


Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Ackles

by ballsdeepinwinchesters



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Artist Jared, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jensen, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, I mean it, Inspired by Poetry, Love, M/M, Marking, Poetry, Professor Jensen, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Seriously guys this is the most sappy and romantic shit youll ever read, Smut, Student Jared, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Jared, Top Jensen, jensen is 32 and jared is 22
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 19:17:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5978191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ballsdeepinwinchesters/pseuds/ballsdeepinwinchesters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ask anyone that knows him, and they'll tell you Jensen Ackles is a lover of many things: of poetry, of literature, of art, of sunrises and sunsets, of countless things in the world. But if you ask Jensen's heart, you'll find that the thing he loves more than anything else is the one he loves secretly, between the shadow and the soul.</p><p>  <i>so I love you because I know no other way</i><br/><i>than this: where I does not exist, nor you,</i><br/><i>so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,</i><br/><i>so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Valentine's Day, Mr. Ackles

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this picture](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CaLuFLmWEAA5tuS.jpg), and by my favorite Pablo Neruda poem. Hover over the Spanish for English translations. Note at the end includes more links for references.

As far as Jensen Ackles is concerned, there are three types of people in this world: romantics, people who do romantic things, and people who have never read poetry. Now, there is a difference between the people who do romantic things and the romantics themselves; the difference is found just by looking at their title: the people who _do_ romantic things versus the people who _are_ romantic, simply by being. Romantics see life for the art that it is, experience everything on a spiritual level, can appreciate all of the raw beauty in the universe. Jensen considers himself a romantic.

He’s always felt this way, it’s nothing new. Growing up in Texas, he had to deal with society thrusting hypermasculinity on him, and trying to change who he was. “Poetry is for girls,” was something he heard especially often. He heard it from his family, from his “friends,” and from the media, but his connection he felt to art and the written word, the strongest of which to poetry, wasn’t something he was willing to give up. Instead of letting society force their terms of masculinity on him, he embraced his romantic heart and pursued literature and other fine arts in college; along the way, he found a knack for teaching and got his doctoral degree in Comparative Literature. Now, Jensen is a professor at the University of Texas in Austin and gets to experience teaching poetry and literature to people full-time.

Something he talks about often is art in its many variations. Art is created to cause a feeling, an emotion, to make everyone feel _something_. All art is subjective, and therefore everyone experiences it differently. That’s essentially how life is. The passionate people who are moved strongly by art tend to have strong feelings about different parts of their lives. Jensen could probably make a list of everything he detests about the world, and it would take up an entire journal if he wrote small enough. On the other hand, he probably couldn’t make a list of everything he’s loved about the world; even if he could, he wasn’t confident he could obtain enough paper to write it all down.

One of his favorite things, though, has always been sunrise. Logical people will tell you that every sunrise is the same: it rises in the East roughly every 24 hours. Jensen, though, understands the uniqueness of each one, and knows that no two people really experience the same sunrise; Hell, Jensen himself hasn’t even experienced the exact same feelings that came along with certain sunrises twice in his entire 32 years. Never the same, but always beautiful and full of promise, the sunrise brings a new beginning every morning. Yeah, Jensen thinks he would definitely put sunrises near the top of his list of things he loves.

There’s something about the feeling of watching a sunrise; the feeling that you’re totally alone in the world, only it’s not a frightening thought at all, but a chance to escape your problems and leave yourself free to think. This morning in particular, Jensen’s awake because he just couldn’t seem to get much sleep, so he stopped bothering around four in the morning. He’s standing against the railing of his apartment balcony, breathing in the fresh smell of the new morning. It rained last night, so the air is more damp and only slightly more chilly than usual. The callous cement under his bare feet is still saturated from the downpour, the metal railing is still covered with droplets of water that touch the skin of his naked arms and chest, but he doesn’t mind. He senses the sun about to begin its daily ritual, and closes his eyes to let the last moments of the night wash over him.

The blackness of the sky begins to cut away with blue at the horizon, and slowly but surely, the blueness spreads wider and wider. Right after the dark blue comes a light blue, then yellow and orange, light shyly casting over the city that’s mostly yet to awaken. The clouds turn from a dark blue to an orange before reflecting off a deep pink, making the sky a painting of saturated colors. Bright white penetrates the blueness of the sky, and the warm tones keep their place at the horizon and in the clouds.

Briefly, the sky turns a deeper pink with tones of purple, then the clouds subside to a yellow as the sun itself makes its first appearance. The slightly pink reflection off of the grey buildings in the city reminds Jensen of the roses that are given to first loves, the delicate shades of pink that belong to first loves alone. The thought moves him to think of all of the pink roses that would surely be given that day, and the chaste feelings of a tender love being shared between couples on the holiday.

As the sun ascends higher, the sky maintains a light blue, and the color of the clouds fade to a clean white. The intensity of the yellow lessens, and within a minute, the city is covered in daylight, and the parade of morning colors is over. Jensen takes a few more moments to appreciate the new day before he pushes his black-rimmed glasses higher on his nose and returns inside.

Reflecting the morning light and contrasting the monotonous pristine white of his pillows, sheets, and down comforter is the golden tan back of a young artist. More specifically, his name is Jared Padalecki, and he’s Jensen’s student and boyfriend. He’s laying on his stomach with his face buried in a pillow, his shaggy brunette hair wild from sleep, and the blanket has been kicked down to the point where it’s only barely covering his ass. Shame, though, it’s a great ass.

Jensen yawns as he pulls up his corner of the blanket and crawls back into bed. Jared’s a heavy sleeper, so he only subconsciously sighs at the disruption. Jensen smiles to himself and leans over to sling his arm over Jared and press his chest to the man’s back. Jared makes a faint humming noise, and Jensen kisses the peak of Jared’s shoulder, carefully watching the long lashes peacefully flutter as he continues to dream.

The men have been together in most senses of the word for almost a year, and over that time, Jared’s become something of importance to Jensen’s happiness. Obviously, having a beautiful boy with a heart of gold, the lips of a sinner, and the beautiful mind of an artist in one’s life is definitely among the positives to anyone. It was more than that, though. Of course, it’s always “more than that” with Jensen, so maybe it’s nothing special… except that it is. Jensen thinks for a moment that even if he couldn’t make a list of the things he loves about life, maybe he could just try to make a list of things he loves about Jared.

Jensen kisses over Jared’s shoulder and the top of his back until he connects his lips with the side of Jared’s neck and up behind his ear. He feels Jared make the humming noise that indicates he’s actually conscious, but doesn’t bother opening his eyes. Jensen grins and kisses Jared’s neck again, breathing in deeply and hugging him to his chest. “Mornin’,” Jensen mutters against the tan skin.

Jared makes an objecting noise. “Too early,” he slurs in a gravelly voice, his mouth muffled by the pillow.

Jensen presses his whole body up against the back of Jared’s and continues pressing gentle kisses to the skin on the back of Jared’s neck. “Sun’s up.”

“The sun is a bitch.”

Jensen smiles wider and pulls on Jared’s torso to get him to roll onto his back. Jared makes another noise close to a whine and pouts his lips. “I could never talk badly-” Jensen starts in a whisper as he kisses Jared’s collarbone. “-about the source of light that allows me-” He kisses up Jared’s neck and to his ear. “-to see you,” he finishes.

A disgusted groan rises from the back of Jared’s throat, but Jensen can see the dimples in his cheeks from trying to hold back a smile. “Okay, it’s definitely too early for _that_ ,” he says. Jensen moves on top of Jared, and the younger guy naturally parts his naked legs for Jensen to fit between.

_1\. He sleeps naked._

Jared’s calves lazily wrap around the back of Jensen’s legs, still clothed with his thin pajama bottoms that he put on before going onto the balcony, but he keeps his arms up on the pillows by his head. “Maybe if you went to sleep earlier-” Jensen says between pressing kisses to Jared’s neck. “-It wouldn’t be too early for this.”

Jared smiles and Jensen quickly presses a kiss to the dimple in his cheek before it disappears. “You’re one to talk,” he teases with a chuckle. Jensen nods concedingly. “Go back to sleep, old man.”

A laugh rumbles in his stomach and Jensen lays his chin on Jared’s chest. “Ten years older than you isn’t _that_ old. What happened to ‘age is nothing but a number’?”

Jared smiles again, his eyes still yet to open. “I was just tryin’ to get in your pants.”

“I knew it,” Jensen says with a playful scoff. He leans up and finally kisses Jared’s lips. Jared hums and naturally melts into the kiss, sliding his lips with Jensen’s like a natural fit. Jensen rolls his body with Jared’s even closer and runs his hands up the sides of Jared’s torso. “You really wanna go back to sleep?” Jensen whispers into the kiss.

Jared makes another quiet groan. “Well, I’m awake now,” he says in a teasing tone, as if he was incredibly put upon by the whole ordeal. Really, though, Jared never says no to sex. Jensen’s pretty sure it’s a natural talent to be able to go from zero to horny with the snap of a finger. “Might as well get somethin’ out of it.”

Jensen breathes a laugh against Jared’s lips and shakes his head before bringing his hands to the sides of Jared’s face. Jensen kisses him deeper and rocks their bodies together, and Jared moves his legs higher up on Jensen’s waist. Jensen loses track of time in Jared’s lips, much as he tends to do.

_2\. His lips_

Jensen moves down Jared’s body, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake, over every inch of beautiful muscle the man’s abdomen has to offer. Jared hums slightly and puts his hands behind his head. Jensen loves how comfortable Jared is with him; he’d never met someone else so content with who they were before Jared walked into his classroom, all long legs, crooked grins, and floppy hair. Even so, he’s shared more of himself with Jensen than he’d shared with anyone before, and Jensen felt sort of honored by it.

Jensen kisses down Jared’s happy trail and up the underside of his cock before sliding his lips around the head and taking him into his mouth. The rewarding sigh that left Jared’s lips was something that Jensen never wants to forget. He drags his lips up slowly before pushing back down on Jared’s shaft, again and again. “ _Jen_ ,” Jared breathes, low and deep. Encouraged, Jensen quickens the pace of his mouth, sucking Jared like he deserves, full of reverence and worship.

He feels Jared move, lifting his torso and reaching off to the side of the bed, then the bottle of lubricant is placed next to him. Jensen pulls his mouth off of Jared and bites gently over the skin of his upper thighs as he squeezes lubricant onto his fingers. Immediately, he resumes working his mouth hot and tight on Jared’s cock and circles his finger at Jared’s hole before pushing in. He uses his free hand to hold down Jared’s stomach because he starts writhing when he’s being fingered.

“Fuck yeah, Jen,” Jared breathes in a moan. Jared moves his hands, runs them up and down Jensen’s extended arm, trying to squirm underneath his hand. Before long, Jensen works in a second finger and purposefully slows down the pace of his mouth to tease Jared, sucking him deliberately. He rubs insistently at Jared’s prostate and opens his eyes to look up at Jared’s tightly knit eyebrows and parted lips, pink from being bitten down on. He’s making noises that sound like a _goddamn_ symphony in Jensen’s ears. “ _Fuck_ , oh my god.”

Jensen switches the pace of his fingers, pushing and working Jared open for him, and works his mouth at a moderate speed. Jared lets out a low groan and fits his fingers between Jensen’s on his chest. Jensen adds a third digit then, before long his pinky finger, causing Jared to buck his hips and writhe, begging Jensen to “hurry up and fuck me.”

Jensen takes his fingers out and his mouth off of Jared, much to Jared’s reluctance, and quickly fits himself back between Jared’s legs and seals their lips. Jared’s breath is hot and heavy against his mouth, kissing him like it’s the last thing he’s going to do in this world. Jensen groans when Jared’s long fingers rake down his sides and tug down his low-slung pajama bottoms. “Why the fuck are you wearing clothes?” Jared whispers into Jensen’s mouth. Jensen grins and tugs on Jared’s bottom lip gently before shucking his pants off the rest of the way. Their now bare bodies slide back together along with their lips, and Jared takes a deep breath, letting his head fall back. Jensen attaches his teeth to the sensitive skin where Jared’s neck meets his jaw, and Jared digs his fingernails into the meat of Jensen’s back. “I need you to fuck me,” he mutters.

Jensen reaches up to take off his glasses that have gotten foggy between them, but Jared silently pushes them back up Jensen’s nose. Jensen grins and moves to reach onto their nightstand to retrieve a condom before quickly put it on and slicking himself with lubricant, Jared using the time to roll onto his stomach. Jared lifts his ass up, shakes it, even, pushes it back insistently in a wordless invitation. Jensen smiles at the gesture and leans forward to run his hands up from Jared’s lower back, up to his shoulders and licks a small line up Jared’s spine as he moves. Jared shudders beneath him, presses the side of his face into the pillow.

When his face reaches Jared’s neck, Jensen pushes his cock into Jared and their bodies unite in that perfect feeling Jensen craves in the depths of his soul. Fucking Jared is a sensation all its own; raw like an exposed nerve, so sensitive to every taste, every touch, every sound- it’s the kind of passion that poets find and write about until their hands wither to dust. It cuts at the airways, like being suffocated but never given rest. It’s a feeling he craves, he _needs_ desperately; Jensen is an addict, and Jared is the only drug that can satisfy him.

_3\. The way we fuck_

Every full thrust forward knocks a deep moan from the man beneath him, and Jensen has to dig his hands into the mattress and into Jared’s skin to ground him. “ _Jay_ ,” he groans in a prayer. He snaps his hips forward harder, hitting the angle that makes Jared cry out, the angle that makes him bury his face in the pillow. Jensen licks and bites down on his own lips, sweat dripping from his temples and down to his neck. Jared’s getting harder to hold onto, coated in his own sweat and fucking himself back onto Jensen’s cock like this was his calling in life.

Jared picks himself up onto his elbow and reaches back to bring Jensen’s head down, and Jensen bites down on the meat of Jared’s back, wrapping his arms around Jared. He uses the grip around his waist to fuck into him quicker, snapping his hips forward hard. Jared sucks in a sharp breath and fists the hair at the top of Jensen’s head. “Jesus _fucking_ Christ, Jen, _shit_.” Jared meets every one of Jensen’s thrusts with his eyes squeezed shut and head thrown back onto Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen fits his face into Jared’s neck and mouths silent words onto Jared’s pulse, injecting them straight into his bloodstream. “Tell me you love me,” Jared breathes.

Jensen slows his hips down, rolling his body and getting deeper into Jared. “ _No te amo como si fueras rosa de sal, topacio_ ,” Jensen starts in a slow whisper, lips dragging lightly over the shell of Jared’s ear. Jared shudders and lets out a shaky breath. “ _O flecha de chaveles que propagan el fuego: te amo-_ ” Jensen presses kisses onto the sides of Jared’s face and in his hair. “ _-Como se aman ciertas cosas oscuras, secretamente, entre la sombra y el alma_.”

Jared moans and his hand slides down from Jensen’s hair, pulling Jensen’s face towards his own and kissing him. “ _Te amo como la planta que no florece y lleva dentro de si, escondida, la luz de aquellas flores._ ” Jensen reaches one hand between Jared’s legs and strokes his cock slowly. Jared’s head falls forward with a breath and Jensen drags his lips over the nape of his neck, thrusting into Jared with a rhythm that makes them both dizzy. “ _Y gracias a tu amor vive oscuro en mi cuerpo el apretado aroma que acendio de la tierra,_ ” Jensen adds in a lower voice, slowly pressing the words onto Jared’s skin.

Jared pushes back, moves Jensen to lay on his back and straddles his lap. Jared seals their lips together in a heated kiss, holding onto Jensen’s face like he’s afraid of losing it. Only sparing one hand to reach back, Jared seats himself on Jensen’s cock and begins to ride him. “Keep going,” he murmurs against Jensen’s mouth.

Jensen moves his hands to touch every part of Jared’s skin he can. “ _Te amo sin saber como-_ ” kiss “ _-ni cuando-_ ” kiss “ _-ni de donde-_ ” kiss. Jared bounces on his lap a little harder, his breath not coming easy, digs his fingernails into the skin of Jensen’s pecs. He sits up higher and uses one hand to push back the top of his hair. “ _Te amo directamente sin problemas ni orgullo._ ” Jensen runs his hands up Jared’s torso and to his neck, bringing his face back down. Jensen presses his forehead to Jared’s and caresses the younger man’s cheekbones with his thumbs. “ _Asi te amo porque no se amar de otra manera, sino asi de este modo en que no soy ni eres_ ,” he whispers genuinely, opening his eyes to look into Jared’s. In Jared’s eyes lay a raw intensity, like someone removed the protective layer from around him, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. Jensen moves his hips to match Jared’s, uses one hand to jerk Jared’s cock, inching them both closer to climax. “ _Tan cerca que tu mano sobre mi pecho es mia, tan cerca que se cierran tus ojos con mi sueno,_ ” Jensen finishes quietly, mouthing the words onto lips parted to receive them.

Jared kisses him then, chasing the sentiment in the only way he knows how, swallowing the words and repeating them without speaking. His pace begins to falter, hips bouncing and rolling erratically, until he’s chanting Jensen’s name and burying his face in Jensen’s neck. Jensen moves his hands and hips quicker until Jared finally cries out as he climaxes between them. Jensen takes no longer than two more thrusts before he’s toppling over the edge with him. With a sweat-covered, heaving chest, Jared moves his hips just enough to unseat himself from Jensen’s lap before letting his full weight collapse onto Jensen.

Jared makes a contented humming noise and kisses Jensen’s collar and up his neck. Jensen, feeling somehow refreshed and exhausted at the same time, gives a small laugh and rubs his hand up and down Jared’s back. “Good morning,” Jared drawls in his accent, sweet and thick as molasses, grinning against Jensen’s skin.

Jensen chuckles and lets his eyes slip shut. “Oh, _now_ you’re awake. Okay.”

“You’re my favorite alarm clock,” Jared teases with a kiss to Jensen’s cheek. Absently, he feels Jared reach down to take the condom off of Jensen’s cock and dispose of it in the bin next to their bed. “Better not fall back asleep or you’ll be late, professor.”

Jensen sighs contentedly. “I’ve got some time.” He peeks one eye open to look at the boy on top of him, whose smile practically radiates light brighter than the new day outside the window.

_4\. His smile_

Every Jared Padalecki smile is art in itself- beautiful and unique, like a snowflake- and each one should be cherished dearly. What’s even better is each smile speaks when words aren’t enough. Among the highlights are the first smile, all white teeth and dimpled cheeks, that gave off the friendliest hello Jensen had ever seen. Then there’s the secret smile Jared made the first time he succeeded in getting Jensen flustered during class, jaw to the side and cocky tongue pressed to the roof of his mouth, the one that told Jensen he wasn’t getting out of this one alive. Jensen remembers the warm, friendly grin when Jared asked him out for drinks that promised “I don’t bite,” followed a few hours later by one that said “I definitely bite.”

Jensen remembers smiles from seemingly unimportant times, like when Jared was especially proud of himself for making some cheesy joke over pizza, so he beamed a bright grin with his tongue between his teeth, or the time they had sex out on the balcony at sunset and Jared had the softest smile in his eyes as they watched the sky together. Two of his favorites were the paint-splattered, slightly vulnerable smile Jared held on his face when he showed Jensen the painting he made of that very same sunset, and the sweaty, sated lazy grin that couldn’t wash off as easily as paint after Jensen showed him just how the painting moved him right there on the floor of Jared’s old studio apartment.

Of course, he remembers the important smiles, too. The one Jensen remembers the most vividly is from one warm night in August, laying right where they are now, breathless and euphoric among the clouds. The moonlight shone in from the window, and just the way it bounced off of Jared’s features brought something out in him. Jensen had whispered his love for Jared for the first time, and Jared’s grin in response, dimples deeper than ever and crinkles forming at the corners of his eyes, said “I love you, too.”

Jared’s lips are what brings him back to the present, pressed softly to his own right where they belong. Jared slithers down Jensen’s body, kissing and sucking lightly on the skin of his jaw, his neck. “What are you getting me for Valentine’s Day?” Jared asks, running his hands over Jensen’s arms and joining their fingers together and pressing them into the bed. “Was it the poem?” He pauses for a second. “That was a poem, right?”

“It was a poem,” Jensen confirms.

“Neruda?” Jensen nods. “What does it mean?”

Jensen knows Jared’s asking for a translation because he’s not fluent in Spanish, but Jensen doesn’t give him one. “Everything,” he answers instead. Jared huffs a laugh. “And didn’t you make me agree to no presents?” Jared looks up and raises an eyebrow to him, meaning to say he knows Jensen better than that. “Yeah, you’re right. My gift is to... not give out an assignment in class today.” Jared scoffs against Jensen’s shoulder where he’s busy leaving a mark. “What? You hate homework. It _disrupts your creative process._ ”

“I know you’ve got more than that planned.” Jared looks up and him and Jensen holds firm in not saying anything. “ _Fine_. Well, I’m giving you your present now.”

Jared travels further down his body, kissing over the entire expanse of his chest as he goes. Jensen hums and tilts his head to watch. “Your mouth was _God’s_ gift to me, you can’t really claim it as your own.” Jared lets out a loud laugh, face still pressed to Jensen’s skin. “What are you doing?”

“I’m an _artist_ , Jensen. You can’t rush art.” He makes no other effort to respond, though, just resumes sucking on various pieces of Jensen’s skin until they’re red. He does this in a few places, gently kissing other places, moving peacefully and unrushed. With the warmth of Jared’s lips and their intertwined fingers, Jensen feels like he could definitely fall back asleep right now. Jared keeps moving, occasionally Jensen can feel Jared’s mouth and tongue forming silent words on his skin that he can’t make out.

Eventually, Jared climbs his way back up Jensen’s body and kisses his lips, and it’s then he realizes he actually _did_ fall back asleep. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Mr. Ackles,” Jared murmurs with a smirk. They kiss for a few more moments, wishing the moment could extend forever, but they both have to get ready to live their lives outside of this bed. “Come on, start the shower. I’ll put on a pot of coffee.”

Jared hops down from the bed and clumsily makes his way out the bedroom door to the kitchen, and Jensen takes a moment to stretch in bed before he takes off his glasses, puts them on the bedside table, and trudges to the bathroom. He rubs his eyes as he turns on the water, setting it to a hotter-than-warm temperature, and waits. Jensen turns around to look at himself in the mirror and finally notices what Jared was doing. Marks steadily growing redder, Jared had sucked hickeys onto Jensen’s chest and stomach into the shape of a heart. From his sternum, over and around his pecs and down to a point right above his bellybutton, he was now marked as Jared’s territory in possibly the most adorable way Jensen could’ve imagined.

Jensen laughs to himself and gets in the shower, Jared jumping in with him less than a minute later. When Jared asks if he likes his present, Jensen just smiles and kisses him. The men shower rather quickly, easily falling into their daily routine- complete with Jared’s loud, off-key performance of whatever song was in his head when he woke up (this morning it’s “Dancing Queen” by Abba for some godforsaken reason). Jared’s shower singing was Jensen’s favorite part about their morning routine; no matter how Jensen’s feeling, Jared’s boyish charm and cheery personality always make him feel a million times better.

_5\. The way he makes me feel_

Jensen doesn’t like hassle- really doesn’t like people who are high-maintenance- and he and Jared clicked right away without feeling some sort of need to put up a front to impress one another. In his past, Jensen’s dated his share of artists. He’s attracted to their minds, their creativity, but it never really went anywhere because… Well, he’s known a lot of artists to be pretentious, have a holier-than-thou attitude, and just generally not _fun_. So when he found out Jared was an artist, Jensen’s first reaction was surprise. Jared is this big puppy dog who laughs loudly and free of concern, who smiles all the time and loves to goof around, but when he’s focused and inspired, there’s this whole other side to him that blows Jensen’s mind. How one man can go from being fun and exciting and carefree, making Jensen laugh harder than anyone he’s ever known, to having deep conversations about art, life, or _anything_ for that matter, and actually making Jensen _think_ and _feel_ on a deeper level, Jensen will never know.

The rest of the hour flies by, just getting ready for their day. They split the pot of coffee in half, both taking a travel mug for themselves. Jensen kisses Jared goodbye- slow and chaste because kisses should never be rushed or taken for granted- and leaves for the university first. They never leave for school together since their relationship is still very much a secret. And despite the fact that Jared basically lives with Jensen in his apartment, he can’t _technically_ move in without the university finding out, and subsequently getting Jensen fired. So, they agreed to wait until the school year was over, when Jared would be graduating. For now, they stuck to the routine and played their parts.

There’s a break room in their building where a lot of professors will spend their free time when they want to eat in peace or escape their students. Jensen’s a quiet guy, but he’s friendly enough; he won’t turn down a conversation whether it be about small talk or whatever sports game was most recent or some other safe topic. Over time, he’s grown to resent that stupid room because he can’t stand the gossip. The rumors speculating possible affairs with students comes up every now and then, and though Jensen’s name hadn’t ever come up in particular, it’s enough to make his skin crawl.

“Did you hear about [insert student’s name here] and [insert professor’s name here]?” They would say, voices hushing and eyes looking around. “Can you believe it? At their age?” Are always among the first comments. “I heard [professor] actually thinks [student] is serious. Obviously [student] is just trying to get high marks. I feel so sorry for them.” _The patronizing bastards._

“What makes you think you know our business? We’re all adults here, and there is nothing illegal about being with another consenting adult. So what if I’m a little bit older? If my heart goes to him, how am I supposed to stop that? Jared’s an amazing student, one of the best, and has been since before we started dating. I would never give good grades in exchange for sexual favors, and he would never ask that of me. We both have more integrity than that. We love each other, and I’m not ashamed to say it. I’m in love with Jared Padalecki. So _fuck you_.”

That’s what Jensen _wants_ to say, but he doesn’t, obviously. He’s always been kind of a drama queen, and his mouth used to get the best of him before he learned self-control. Instead of saying what he feels, he always just excuses himself from the conversation and goes back to the comfort of solitude in his office, or the classroom to wait for his next class.

Today, he walks into his classroom after most of the students have filed in already, smiles briefly in their direction and goes to his desk to get out the materials. Jensen sets up his laptop for the presentation, sets aside the papers he printed to use for the lesson. In celebration of the current holiday, Jensen wanted to spend the week focusing on love poetry and different famous romance writers. Specifically, today they would be discussing and analyzing Pablo Neruda, one of the most notable writers in the genre.

A couple of the students who actively participate in the class greet him, and he greets them back. The only “Hey, Mr. Ackles” that still makes him falter no matter how many times he hears it is said by the same deep voice that whispers words of love and filth in his ears at night, and sings in his shower every morning. Jensen gives him the same smile and “Hello, Mr. Padalecki” he would give his other students, though Jared makes it difficult with his special smile and familiar gaze.

When the other students inevitably make their way into the room and settle in, he starts up the presentation. “What is love?” Jensen starts, projecting his voice.

“Baby, don’t hurt me?” One of the guys pipes up from his seat. A couple of the other students giggle, and Jensen grins.

“Alright,” he concedes. Jensen leans against the podium casually, ready to delve into the subject he never really gets tired of discussing. “Love is subjective. Ask everyone you see how they would define ‘love,’ and I’m willing to bet they all have a different answer. I’ve heard a lot of people describe it as a specific feeling, an action, or sometimes they recite a quote that resides with them. So, I want to start today’s class with an open discussion. What is love to you? Anyone.”

A couple of the students make no effort to even look like they’re thinking, just glancing at the other students in the room- most, however, at least look somewhat interested. An eager girl who is always active in group discussions raises a finger, even though she knows she can speak freely. Jensen nods in her direction and she smiles. “Okay, this will probably sound incredibly cheesy, so don’t make fun of me.”

Jensen chuckles and nods. “No jokes from me, I promise.”

The girl smiles. “So love is like when someone tells the same terrible joke a hundred times, and you laugh every time because of the way their face lights up. It’s never being afraid of how bad your morning breath is because you know they won’t mind.” Jensen grins and casts a casual glance at Jared who’s giving his desk a soft half-smile and lazily doodling on his paper. “And when you share your food with them even when they have a full plate. Love is talking for hours about nothing and everything… Basically for me, love means not being afraid because you know that they will be with you, and they will make you the very best version of yourself. It means their happiness becomes your own as you both grow and adapt and learn together.”

A group of guys sitting farther back make sounds of snickering, and the girl’s smile falters. “Hey!” Jensen barks sternly towards them. “If you want to keep having open floor discussions, you can leave that shit at the door. Or else we can just do lectures for an hour and a half.” The boys make no response, but slip lower in their seats. “That’s what I thought.” He turns his attention back to the girl. “That was an awesome way to open the topic, thank you for sharing.” She smiles and he winks at her before going back to looking for other students.

“Love is like…” Another student starts. He hesitates on his words. “It’s like this ache that sits in your gut all the time- kind of like a sickness that you can’t take medicine for. And when you see the person you love, it kinda makes you want to throw up.”

Jensen could definitely spend a while analyzing _that_ , but he won’t because the kid who answered seems pretty insecure as it is. He nods in acceptance of the answer and looks to the crowd. “What if you haven’t been in love?” A girl asks from the middle of the room.

Jensen shrugs and sits on the edge of his desk. “Who says love has to be about the romantic notion of being ‘in love’?”

The girl nods and mulls the question over. “I guess I would say love is a devotion to someone or something. You feel a connection, and you dedicate a part of yourself to them. You put their needs ahead of your own. Maybe not all the time, but when it counts and when they need you, you have to be willing to put them first.”

“Kind of like… You feel protective of them. Like you would do anything and everything in the world for them. Right?” Another brunette girl jumps in, looking to her. The other girl gives a shrugging sort of nod, and the brunette continues. “Kinda going off of that, personally, I think of it as, like, a specific person gives you so many emotions at once that you're barely holding on. You become scared to lose them, can't imagine what it would be like without them; you think about how little life would mean to you if they weren't there, if you couldn't see their smile everyday and hear the beautiful ring of their laughter, if they weren't there for you to hold onto. Does that make sense?”

“Makes sense to me,” he says and exchanges a comforting smile with her. Someone else near the front opens their mouth and leans forward like they have something to say, but stops. Jensen points to them. “There are no wrong answers.”

The girl clears her throat. “I don’t know… It’s really overwhelming, and you can’t really tell if it feels good or if it hurts most of the time. You feel kind of… choked-up? Like, your heart feels too big for your chest, and you can’t tell if you want to laugh, or cry, or both…” Her eyes drift off for a second before coming back, and she gives Jensen a nod to signify she was done. He gives her an impressed nod in return and diverts his attention.

“ _An intense feeling of deep affection_ ,” someone else says from the back, looking down at his desk.

“Is that what you say, or what Google says?” Jared asks, turning around to give the boy a skeptical look.

Jensen bites back a proud smile, and looks to the other student expectantly. The student looks suddenly unsure of what to say, and Jared looks at him more directly. “I, uh… I mean, that’s what love _is_ , right?” He asks uncertainly.

Jared looks like he’s got a smartass comment, which Jensen is definitely going to want to hear when they get home, but right now, he has to be professional. “I did say there are no wrong answers.” Jared settles his mouth shut and relaxes back in his seat, facing Jensen. He tilts his head, looking down at his fingers on the desk. “Okay, what about you, Mr. Padalecki? You seem like you have an answer.” Jensen ignores the way his heart skips a little at his own question.

Jared huffs a quick laugh, and shrugs. “I’m not really good with words,” he says- which is absolute bullshit. One night in the beginning of their relationship, Jared had had the idea to actually paint something _on_ Jensen. Jensen was laying on the newspaper-covered floor of Jared’s old studio apartment with Jared straddling his lap, and Jared was concentrating on his art, painting over Jensen’s skin carefully. He started talking about what inspired him, why _this_ was something special on its own. Jared articulated his thoughts, his emotions, his theories on art and life beautifully, capturing Jensen’s attention to the point where Jensen found himself completely lost in Jared’s mind. After Jared had finished his painting and took a photograph of the finished work, they laid in the one spot for the better part of the night, where Jared continued to pour on, talking about his favorite artist, his personal expression through painting, and anything else that came up. His words provoked Jensen into conversation where they learned each other on a deeper level than Jensen had ever experienced before. Even still, they have deep, intellectual conversations that seem to last forever. Jared might not think he’s good with words, but Jensen knows better.

_6\. His mind_

Jensen motions for him to try, and Jared adjusts in his seat with a tiny smile. “Alright. To me… love is something you feel in every single part of your body, like a part of you. It’s the heaviness in the pit of your stomach, the air that’s pushed out of your lungs, the goosebumps on your skin, the feeling like that one special person reached in through your chest and squeezed your heart with their bare hand,” Jared says softly, with his eyes cast towards the floor. Jensen reminds himself to breathe, but suddenly forgetting how. “It’s the burning heat of your skin, the sweat that drips down your face. It’s the aching feeling you get in your arms when they aren’t in them, and the feeling of safety, of finally feeling whole when you wrap your arms around them.” Jensen finds himself biting his nails into the skin of his palm, willing his heart to stop skipping. Jared looks up at him with a small smile and tilted face. “When you’re in love, that feeling resides in every part of you. It’s your sadness, your pain; it’s your anger, and your happiness. Because after you meet your soulmate, there’s no way you could ever be without them and still feel complete.”

There’s a silence that falls over the classroom when Jared stops speaking, a deafening silence that threatens every promise Jensen’s made to his profession because it takes all of his self control to not cross the room and capture Jared’s lips with his own. Their eyes refuse to part, like Jared’s boring the words directly into Jensen’s soul. It isn’t until another student speaks that Jensen can tear his eyes away. “You believe in soulmates?” The guy asks, turning slightly to look at Jared.

The corner of Jared’s mouth tilts upwards, and he gives the other student a nod. “Yeah, I do.”

“So, are you speaking from personal experience?” The guy voices again, seeming skeptical. Jared chuckles a little. “You’re barely in your early twenties, and you think you already met your soulmate?”

Jared’s tongue swipes over his lips before biting down on it and nodding slightly. “I know I have,” he answers simply, turning his eyes back to Jensen.

“Alright, class is dismissed. I need everyone out of here as quickly as possible because I need to take Mr. Padalecki right here and now on my desk,” is what Jensen is tempted to say. He doesn’t, thankfully, but instead clears his throat and slides off the edge of his desk, adjusting his blazer which suddenly feels too tight. “I think that’s a good place to begin our lesson. I wanted to use this week to highlight a personal favorite genre of mine, romantic poetry.” Jensen starts up his slide show, using his remote to change the slides. He spends a few minutes going over the history of today’s poet, Pablo Neruda, before switching to another slide that has the original Spanish and English translations to a poem that’s become his favorite. “The poem we’ll be discussing today is ‘I Do Not Love You,’ or ‘Love Sonnet 17.’”

Jensen swallows thickly, only risking a quick glance to his younger partner whose eyes are glossing over the words on the screen in concentration. He takes the printed paper in his hands and begins to walk in a line in front of the classroom, reading carefully. “ _I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or arrow of carnations that propagate fire,_ ” he starts at an even pace. “ _I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul._ ” He glances slightly up from his paper at Jared as he turns in the other direction, who is watching him with parted lips and his chin held up by his hands. “ _I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body._ ”

Jensen knows this poem frontwards, backwards, and in two different languages, but he reads directly off the paper because he knows if he didn’t, there’s no way he would be able to look anywhere but the eyes of the one person that gave the poem meaning. “ _I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I does not exist, nor you, so close that your hands on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._ ”

He licks his lips and grazes his teeth on his lower lip in thought. “Does someone want to attempt to explain what Neruda was trying to say in this?” Jensen addresses to the classroom.

At first, none of the students seem to be rising to the occasion. Jensen doesn’t allow himself to look directly at Jared, scanning the classroom for a volunteer among the group of young people he hasn’t yet learned the names of. “I don’t really get what he’s trying to say in the beginning,” a boy says from the side of the classroom.

The girl who usually participates- who, Jensen notes, he should probably learn the name of- answers him. “It sounds like he’s almost describing a love that defies physical beauty- like he says in the first lines, it’s not the same love someone would have for beautiful things in nature.” She pauses to try and collect her other thoughts. “After that, he’s saying it’s more like a dark, twisted kind of love that almost… takes over him.”

Jensen’s about to open his mouth to respond when Jared’s is the voice that comes first. “You’re mostly right, but that’s not what he meant in the second line. ‘ _I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul_ ’ doesn’t mean it’s a dark and twisted love. It’s more like a secret that has to be hidden and not spoken or shown the light of day,” he corrects her respectfully, gesturing with his hands in her direction. He turns to Jensen expectantly. “Should I keep going?”

“Feel free.”

Jensen’s curious to hear what Jared has to say, but he knows Jared feels the weight of the poem as heavy as he does. “Abbey was right about the rest of what she said, though. It’s a deep love that consumes him, where his lover and he have become one. The ‘fragrance lives darkly in my body’ meaning he’s carrying the secret of their love inside of him, but I think it’s more than that, like _they_ live inside of him. He goes on to say he doesn’t know how it happened or why, but that he loves them- plain and simple- and he can’t help it. He literally _cannot_ stop loving them. And in their love, they don’t exist separately. He’s basically saying ‘there is no _me_ and there is no _you_ , there’s only _us_.’”

Spot on, just as Jensen predicted. He feels some mixed feeling inside of his chest, pride at first, then admiration, but then a swirling sense of being overwhelmed because Jared’s confirmed all of Jensen’s thoughts and feelings without even knowing he’s done so. But Jared gives him the smallest of smiles, shy and bordering on vulnerable, that tells Jensen that maybe he was waiting for Jensen to confirm _his_ thoughts and feelings.

“Perfect. Now, there is still some level of personal interpretation to this because art is _about_ interpreting things as our own, putting a little bit of ourselves in the artist’s work.” Jensen moves to lean against the podium again, and looks to Jared. “Mr. Padalecki, if we went back to what you said when you explained your definition of love, would you interpret this poem as Neruda having met his soulmate?”

It’s as close as he can get to a personal conversation about them right in the middle of class, so he hopes Jared understands. If the look in his eye says anything, it’s that Jared got the message. “Definitely. He talks about his lover living inside of him, of neither of them existing outside of being together, of being totally united into one person. He’s physically incapable of not loving this person,” Jared answers earnestly. He nods either to himself or to Jensen, Jensen doesn’t know. “They’re soulmates.”

Jensen nods in return, either to himself or to Jared, he doesn’t know. The class continues on long enough to finish the slide slow and the lecture. At the end, Jensen dismisses the class with warm wishes to enjoy the holiday, telling the students their homework assignment is just to ask at least one person what love means to them. He immediately leaves the room and heads to his office, where he plans to stay for the duration of his afternoon office hours, and work on planning out next week’s lessons.

He’s had an hour of solitude when there’s a knock on his office door. Taking the pencil out of his mouth and putting it behind his ear, he tells the person to come in. First poking his head in, Jared meets Jensen’s eyes with a warm smile. “You busy?”

With one elbow on the desk, hand holding up the side of his head, Jensen gestures for Jared to come in. “You know I've always got time for you.” Jared’s grin widens and he comes all the way in the room, locking the door behind him- which, Jensen notes, is probably a good idea due to the fact they’ve almost been interrupted on at least three separate occasions. “What’s on your mind?”

Instead of speaking, Jared walks behind the desk and casually straddles Jensen’s lap in his office chair. Jared places his hands on either sides of Jensen’s jaw and brings his lips in for a chaste kiss. Jensen sighs and kisses him in return, moving his hands to gently rub up Jared’s back. Jared’s hands slide down to Jensen’s neck, then his collar, onto his pecs and over his shoulders and onto his biceps. Jared’s lips part and slide with Jensen’s beautifully as always, sighing and breathing each other’s air. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s waist comfortably and Jared presses their foreheads together, giving Jensen’s lips a few more pecks.

“What was that for?” Jensen murmurs, gently massaging his fingers into Jared’s back muscles.

Jared gives him a half shrug and sits back a little, moving his fingers to the buttons on Jensen’s shirt. Jensen lets his head fall back as he watches Jared’s face, admires his features and the way Jared’s bangs fall over his eyes when his head is tilted down. “I just need to…” Jared mumbles as he watches his own fingers work at Jensen’s buttons. He gets the first four buttons opened and pushes the material to the side and his eyes catch one of the red bruises from this morning. A breath hitches in his chest, and a comforted smile spreads on his lips. “Just making sure it’s still there.”

Jensen reaches his hands up to cup Jared’s jaw and bring his face down for another sweet kiss. Jared’s fingers remain on Jensen’s chest, tracing over the shape his lips created a few hours ago. “Jared…” He pauses to collect his thought, tries to form it into words. He kisses Jared deeper for a moment, like the words are hidden behind Jared’s lips. “Even when you can’t see them anymore, the marks you’ve left on me won’t ever go away,” Jensen whispers against Jared’s lips, gently grazing his thumbs over Jared’s cheeks.

Jared talks a big game and teasingly pretends he hates Jensen’s sappy sentiments, but they never fail to make him falter. “Would you, um…” Jared starts uncertainly, pulling his face back a little. “Would you say that ‘thanks to my love... a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in your body?’” He questions, eyes watching Jensen’s lips.

Jensen doesn’t hesitate. “I would say that, and so much more,” he confirms quietly, moving one hand up to brush back the bangs from Jared’s eyes so he can properly admire them.

_7\. His eyes_

Jensen takes a moment to relish in the color that’s become so familiar to him, the pure uniqueness of it. Jensen had never seen eyes quite like Jared’s. From a distance, you could call them green, possibly hazel in the right lighting, but once you get up close, they’re so much more than that. From the inside out, there were flakes of light honey brown, different shades of green, and with blues around the outer rim. If they caught the light, though, they reflected a pale color, resembling a yellow-green. Beyond than the colors, though, his eyes were expressive and showed wisdom and understanding beyond his years. The way they sparkle when he laughs, how deep and endless they appear when he can’t hold back his tears, every single aspect of Jared’s eyes are completely captivating, and Jensen often finds himself lost in them.

Jared grins softly and a breathy laugh escapes his lips. “You’re such a sap,” he remarks lightheartedly.

Jensen’s face breaks into a giant smile as he laughs. “Am not,” he says defiantly, even though they both know that’s a goddamn lie.

“No, you’re definitely a sap,” Jared responds with a bigger grin. He's all dimples and bright pearly whites lightly holding his tongue in place in that cute way Jensen will never quite get over- another smile for Jensen to remember. Jared leans back down to kiss Jensen and wrap his arms around his neck, and Jensen’s hands fall to Jared’s hips. “You’re really lucky I already love you.”

Jensen’s head falls back with a laugh, and Jared presses his face into the space of his neck. Jensen feels Jared’s smile on his skin, and everything feels right in the world. “Yeah, I guess I am.” Jared moves again to press his lips to Jensen’s and hugs him tighter.

“I wish I didn’t have class in ten minutes,” Jared groans after a few moments.

“I would say to skip, but what kind of teacher would I be if I told my students to ditch class?”

Jared grins against his lips. “A good teacher.” Jared kisses him and rocks his hips on Jensen’s lap in a devilish way. “Mm, you’re my _favorite_ teacher, Mr. Ackles,” he murmurs in a sinful voice, thick and sweet like syrup that Jensen needs to taste.

The heated possessive feeling that sits in the pit of Jensen’s stomach at all times sparks a flame at the words, and Jensen digs his fingers into Jared’s hips as he kisses him. Jensen tries to remember a time when he was a strong man- a man of values and principles who had will-power that could remain strong during the most trying of times- but all of that went flying out the window when this gorgeous boy with dumb, floppy hair walked into his classroom with a smile that knocked Jensen on his ass. With the way Jared’s rolling his hips and his tongue and driving Jensen to the brink of insanity, he realizes he never really stood a chance at all.

Jensen grabs Jared’s hips tighter and holds him in place as he stands up and pushes Jared’s ass onto his desk and fits between his legs. Jared chuckles wickedly and wraps his legs around Jensen’s waist. “Oh, Mr. Ackles,” Jared drawls teasingly. “Does this mean I don’t have to go to class, professor?”

Jensen groans and claims Jared’s mouth. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?”

“I would _never_ ,” Jared disagrees as he laughs again, holding the sides of Jensen’s face.

Jensen’s about to get carried away again- about to take Jared up against this desk and fuck him until both of their brains and muscles have turned to mush- when there’s a knock on his office door. Jensen sighs deeply, his head falling to Jared’s shoulder.

“Mr. Ackles?” The boy on the other side of the door calls from outside as he knocks again.

“Mr. Ackles is busy,” Jared mutters with an attitude, lightly scratching the back of Jensen’s neck.

“Just a minute; I’m meeting with a student,” he calls back out to him. Jensen exchanges disappointed looks with his boyfriend, and reluctantly backs away to fix his shirt. “I guess you have to go to class after all.”

“At least we have tonight,” he says with a crooked grin. Jensen smiles in return, and Jared quickly adjusts his own jeans and shirt. Jared spots Jensen adjusting himself wrong and reaches out for him. “Here, let me.” Jensen’s hands fall to his sides as Jared fixes the buttons on his shirt and adjust his blazer, smoothing out the material over Jensen’s chest and down his arms. “Better.”

Jensen tilts his chin up to kiss Jared chastely, pulling him closer by hooking one finger in Jared’s pocket. “See you tonight?”

“Try and stop me,” he promises as he affectionately pushes Jensen’s glasses higher up on his nose. Jared moves to leave then, and Jensen sits at his desk to hide what he’s sure would be an obvious bulge in his slacks. Jared unlocks the door and tells the other student, “He’s all yours.” Jared waits for the boy to pass before turning around to flash Jensen a smile that says “You’re all mine.”

The rest of his office hours pass by relatively quickly, he finishes planning the next few lessons, and Jensen heads home for the day. When he gets back to the apartment, the first thing he does is turn on the radio to a station that plays soul music. He doesn’t listen to it all the time, but sometimes he’s just in the mood to hear something with emotion and feeling. He toes off his shoes by their closet and hangs up his blazer. Rolling up the sleeves of his dress shirt and undoing the top two buttons, he gets ready to work some food magic.

Jared’s an easy guy to please; Jensen has always appreciated that fact. You could give him a beer and a nice cheeseburger, and he’s good to go. Jensen likes lowkey nights just as much, but he has slightly more refined preferences. So tonight he’s cooking steaks, baked potatoes, and asparagus, and he’s going to light some candles for the patio table even if he’ll appreciate his own efforts more than Jared will. Jensen opens a bottle of wine after he starts preparing the food, sipping from his glass while he cooks.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to all my lovers out there, you know who you are,” the deep, soothing voice of the radio DJ says from the speakers. “So grab your lady, grab your man, show ‘em you love ‘em, and enjoy the next few hours of nonstop classics that’ll be sure to spread the love.” The host’s voice disappears and is replaced with an Otis Redding song.

After popping the baked potatoes in the oven, Jensen takes the steaks and vegetables and his glass of wine out on the balcony so he can use his grill to cook them. He leaves the sliding glass door open and sways to the music as it plays from inside. “ _My love is growing stronger, as you become a habit to me,_ ” Jensen sings along to the radio. “ _Oh, I've been loving you a little too long. I don't wanna stop now._ ”

Jensen keeps humming and swaying to the music, drinking his wine and maintaining the food as it cooks. It's a beautiful evening out, warm with a cool breeze and mostly clear skies, and he enjoys watching the city grow gradually more orange as the sun gets tired of shining.

Most of the time, Jared takes longer to get home because sometimes the mood will strike and he’ll end up either sketching in the art building, or he’ll go back to his old apartment to paint something. Jensen doesn’t worry about it; every night without fail, Jared comes home to him, even if it’s late and Jensen’s already in bed. Tonight, though, he’s walking in through the door right when Jensen’s plating their food.

“ _Hey_ ,” Jared starts with a giant smile when he sees the food. “You must have some fancy-schmancy hot date tonight.”

Jensen smiles as Jared comes up behind him and wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist. “Oh yeah, super hot date. You should probably get outta here before he comes over,” Jensen teases in response. Sometimes, it’s easy for Jensen to forget that Jared still towers over him when they’re standing- mostly because he’s pretty slim and gets used to hunching down all the time; other times, like right now for instance, he finds it hard to believe he could ever forget. Jared kisses the back of his head, then puts his face into the crook of Jensen’s neck and kisses his skin before blowing a raspberry and making Jensen giggle like he’s some kinda little girl, and Jensen bats him away as he clears his throat. “Get offa me, you overgrown toddler.”

“Yes, sir,” Jared responds with a laugh before moving to pour himself a glass of wine. “If this is your idea of my Valentine’s Day present, I approve.”

Jensen nods, feeling successful. It’s not complete yet, though, seeing as he lit candles outside so they could eat outside and watch the sunset together. “Do you want to eat outside? It's nice out.”

“Let's do it.” Jared grabs a plate and his wine and heads out the glass door. He sits down after admiring the view and cuts into his steak before Jensen can even refill his own glass of wine. As Jensen fills up his glass, Jared takes his first bite of the steak and he makes a pleased groan and rolls his eyes back. “Oh my _god_ ,” he tries to say, but it’s muffled by food and his fist covering his mouth.

Jensen beams proudly. “Good?” Jared nods and takes Jensen’s wrist in his hand and pulls him down for a kiss. Jared’s lips already taste like the steak marinade, and Jensen’s smile widens. “Good.”

Jensen sits in the other chair and starts eating, bobbing his head and tapping his heel to the beat of a particularly good song. “ _I've got sunshine_ ,” he sings despite there being food in his mouth. “- _On a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May._ ”

Jensen takes another bite and glances up to see Jared watching him with amusement. “That's so sexy.”

Jensen grins and gets playful with it. “ _I guess you'd say-_ come on, Jay- _what can make me feel this way_.” Jared chuckles and Jensen swallows the food in his mouth, but reaches out his hand in gesture. “ _My guy, my guy, my guy-_ ”

“ _Talkin’ bout my guy,_ ” Jared pitches in even though he doesn't bother trying to carry a tune.

The boys finish the song together, eating, drinking, and gesturing grandly to each other- which is probably quite a sight to people with table manners, but fuck those people anyways. After the food is gone, Jensen relaxes back in his chair and watches the sunset with another glass of wine. From underneath the table, Jared kicks his feet up onto Jensen’s lap and admires the sky with him. It’s nights like these, he’s even more grateful to have access to a view like this- where he can look in one direction to watch the sunrise and turn around to watch the sunset, all without leaving his balcony. That's really what sold the apartment for him in the first place.

Tonight’s sunset vaguely reminds him of the one Jared painted and they currently have hanging up in the bedroom. The clouds are dyed pink, blending with the fading orangeness of the sky, slowly being replaced with shades of purple. While the sun gives one last valiant effort, shining bright, warm colors from the horizon as it sets, the rest of the sky subsides into a pure indigo. The sides of the building become consumed by the shadows, and street lights gradually start turning on.

With a sip from his glass, Jensen glances over to admire the look of quiet wonderment in Jared’s eyes as he watches the view. His eyes give everything away, the way his mind is absorbing the colors that inspire his creativity. Not paying any attention to Jensen, he drinks from his glass and squints a little, and his fingers twitch subconsciously as if he was already imagining himself painting something. The colors of the sky reflect off of Jared’s features for a few more moments, and Jensen thinks _this_ would probably be the most beautiful view he’s ever witnessed.

He imagines doing this well after they stop keeping their relationship a secret, domesticating and settling down like a couple of Joneses. They could find a house with an even better view- _maybe a porch or a deck of some kind…_ They should make sure to get a big yard so they can get a dog or two. Jensen’s willing to bet they could even find one with a room nice enough to inspire Jared, and they could convert that into his new art studio. Jensen could build some shelves and put them up in an office area for his own personal library…

“What are you staring at?” Jared inquires, knocking Jensen out of his daydream. Jensen comes back to reality and notices the sun’s already set, and the sky had faded into a deep purple, not quite black yet.

Jensen blinks a little, runs his thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m just thinking about some things,” he answers.

“Good things?” A small smile pulls at the corners of Jensen’s lips, and he nods. Jared tilts his head, yielding. “Figured.”

Jensen gives a little laugh from behind the fingers he has pressed to his lips. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Jared shrugs a little and finishes his glass. He relaxes with his head on his shoulder and Jensen lifts up to refill the glass before settling back. “We should get a house.”

“‘s that what you were thinkin’ about?” Jared prompts softly, eyes glossing over Jensen. Jensen nods, and Jared’s lips turn up into an easy smile. “That’d be nice.”

“Yeah?” Jared nods and drinks from his cup with a grin and Jensen smiles. “Alright, duly noted.” They take some more time to sit outside before Jensen stretches his back. “We should go ahead and clean up.”

The men gather the dishes, blow out the candles, and head back into the apartment to start cleaning up the mess. Jensen starts washing the dishes and Jared immediately goes to the refrigerator and looks inside. Jared rummages through its mostly-emptiness and makes a displeased noise.

“Are you seriously still hungry?”

Jared looks up at him with a look that displays only mild shame. “Would you totally hate me if I said yes?” Jensen shakes his head and Jared laughs. “I'm sorry! Dinner was obviously great, but-”

“I put the menu for Shu’s in the drawer by the silverware,” Jensen interrupts simply, looking down at the dishes he’s washing.

Jared makes a noise somewhere between pained and happy. “I _knew_ you were hiding it!” Jared fishes the menu out of the drawer and gives Jensen’s cheek a kiss. “You want anything?” Jensen declines, and Jared kisses his shoulder briefly before leaving the room to order his food. If he’s honest, he doesn’t order anything tonight because he knows Jared will get plenty, and he could always steal an egg roll or something if he changes his mind later.

Jensen hums to himself when a timeless Sam Cooke song pours from the speakers of the radio, and sways his hips. “ _Darling, you send me. I know you send me._ ” Jensen reaches to his cup on the counter and takes a sip of his wine as he rinses off a dish in the sink. “ _Darling, you send me. Honest you do. Honest you do. Honest you do, whoa._ ”

Jared comes back into the room and makes some strange noise Jensen couldn’t identify if he even wanted to. “Jen, I _know_ you’re not cleaning when this song is on.” Jensen looks at him in confusion, and Jared just presses his body up against his back to sway in time with the music, and runs his hands down Jensen’s arms and locks fingers with his hands even though they’re wet and covered with soap. “ _You thrill me. I know you, you, you thrill me,_ ” Jared sings along in his ear quietly, holding Jensen’s hands and swaying along easily.

“Oh you think you know somethin’ about Sam Cooke now?” Jensen teases with a smile, letting his head fall back onto Jared’s shoulders.

Jared shushes him and wraps his arms over Jensen’s chest, Jensen’s hands still in his. Jared presses the side of his face to Jensen’s and nuzzles his cheek. “ _Darling you, you, you, you thrill me. Honest you do,_ ” he sings before pulling Jensen away from the sink and spinning him to face Jared and moving one hand to Jensen’s waist.

“You’re not a good singer,” Jensen notes with a cheesy grin that he takes no shame in.

Jared shrugs and watches Jensen with an easy smile. “You don’t mind.” Jensen says nothing because it’s true, just lets Jared rock their bodies to the music. “ _At first I thought it was infatuation,_ ” Jared sings and makes a gooey face, full of drunken sappiness. “ _But it’s lasted so long. Now I find myself wanting to-_ ” Jared pulls him in tighter and pauses with the music. “- _Marry you, and take you home,_ ” he adds with a shake of his head and a giant smile.

Jensen used to hate people trying to lead him, especially younger people, but he just lets Jared gently guide him around their kitchen and sing to him in that low, Texan accent slurred with alcohol and adoration. Eventually, Jared stops singing, though, just keeps his soft eyes on Jensen as they dance. “Do you love me?” Jared asks as if he doesn’t know the answer.

Jensen sighs and combs his fingers through the hair at nape of Jared’s neck. “My first instinct is to reply ‘Am I breathing?’ But that would imply that death could stop me from loving you.”

Jared’s lips spread into a grin, and Jensen decides that he gave a good answer. “So, today my professor assigned some homework,” Jared starts.

“What an asshole.”

Jared breathes a laugh. “He said I should ask someone what love means to them, so,” Jared licks his lips. “What does love mean to _you_?”

The song on the radio changes, but they continue dancing the same way. Jensen sighs, watches Jared carefully like he could find the words written on his skin if he looked close enough. “Love means everything to me,” he speaks evenly. “It never was- before. Y’know… I used to think I knew what love was, I thought it was a feeling I would get. But… It took falling in love for me to realize I was a fucking idiot.”

Jared’s bottom lip tightens as he listens without interruption, watching the words form on Jensen’s lips. He holds him closer, rocks them to the slower pace of Etta James’s voice bleeding from the speakers.

“Now, I don’t even remember what it was like to exist without it. I don’t remember how I felt when I woke up, or how I went to sleep. I don’t remember the feeling I got when I watched a sunset like tonight. All I know is that it’s changed; _love_ has changed me. I… I wake up, and my first emotion, my first thought of the day is about you, and when I go to sleep, the thought that puts me to sleep is about you. Every sunrise, every sunset in my life is _for you_ ,” Jensen explains slowly, still trying to find the words himself. He swallows, licks his lips, and continues. “I would compare it to you planting a seed and having that seed grow inside me, but I feel like that doesn’t really do the notion justice.”

While he pauses, Jared adds, “Plus, it sounds dirty.”

A laugh bubbles up from his chest, and he nods. “You’re not wrong.” Jensen resumes twisting his fingers through the ends of Jared’s hair. “Alright, let’s see… For me, I feel love in the form of passion, in _heat_ , and raw intensity.” He bites his lip and tries not to focus on the way Jared mirrors the movement. “I feel it in the form of dedication, in never growing tired of spending your days and nights with one person. A lot of students touched on the feeling of longing, of yearning for their person, but I’m never really without you. You aren’t _here_ ,” he says as he places his hand flat on Jared’s chest. “-Anymore. I keep you with me at all times. If it makes sense, when you aren’t in my arms… My heart weighs heavier with the added weight of yours. And when I’m touching you, we share the weight, and it takes the heaviness from my chest. But I don’t miss you. I don’t have to.”

“And the…” Jared swallows thickly, leaning his face closer to Jensen’s until their noses are brushing. “The feeling of being complete…”

“Yes,” Jensen breathes against Jared’s lips. “Before I met you, I didn’t know that- I didn’t know I wasn’t whole. It took…” Jensen swallows again, finding his chest growing hotter as Jared’s lips ghost across his. “It took meeting you for me to realize I wasn’t complete before, and now that I…” Jensen shudders as a chill runs over him. “I'm with you, there's no way I could ever exist without. I know in my heart that we’re-”

“Soulmates,” Jared finishes with him milliseconds before surging his lips forward and grabbing the sides of Jensen’s face as he claims Jensen’s lips. A noise rises up from Jensen’s chest at the force of it, and he fists his hands in the front of Jared’s shirt. Jared kisses him with a hungry mouth, thoroughly enough to get his head spinning, running his hands down Jensen’s arms and grabbing whatever he can get his hands on.

Jared grabs him by the waist and pushes him up against the nearest wall hard enough to smack the back of his head, and Jensen’s mouth hangs open with a grunt. Jared chases the noise with his lips, their kisses only parting long enough to suck in a gasp of breath when it feels like they might suffocate. With Jared rutting up against his front and his back being held up by an unforgiving wall, Jensen has nowhere to go but into the depth of Jared’s touch.

Jared’s hands on his hips hoist Jensen onto his lap- his toes only barely touching the ground- both legs on either side of Jared’s and their groins rocking together with the rolling movement of their bodies. Jensen’s lips fall open as he tries to catch the breath that escapes him. He desperately holds onto the sides of the younger man’s face, the shared air between them making the hairs on Jensen’s skin stand up. Jared tilts his head to kiss the sides of Jensen’s mouth and over his jaw. Jared’s large hands keep Jensen’s hips rolling and pressed firmly to his own setting up a rhythm that- combined with the alcohol- makes Jensen’s head swim. Jensen lets his eyes close and his head fall back against the wall.

_8\. This. This. Whatever this technically is- kissing, fucking, whatever- it’s going on the list._

Jared’s mouth is only gone from his long enough to kiss over the length of his jaw before they’re once again sealed in a heated kiss. Jared gets these moods sometimes, where he’s just consumed with this sort of primal heat, and Jensen _fully_ supports them. Whether he’s taking the lead or relinquishing the power to Jared, Jensen’s a fan of following where the passion takes him. And right now, it seems like _passion_ is about to take him raw and dirty up against this wall.

Jared takes Jensen’s hands in his own and twines their fingers together. For a moment, the kiss is all deep, rolling movements of their tongues to match their hips. Jared takes their conjoined hands and pins them to the wall by Jensen’s head. Pressing his forehead against Jensen’s temple and breathing heavy, Jared lets his bottom lip drag over Jensen’s top lip. “I wanna make you feel good, Jen,” Jared mutters with a voice so thick with arousal, it makes Jensen’s chest tighten. Jared nuzzles his nose against Jensen’s cheek and somehow fits their whole bodies even closer together. “Can I?”

Normally, Jensen would probably respond with something like “You always make me feel good” just to make Jared laugh, but he doesn’t have it in him to form words. Jensen doesn’t hesitate, and he’s barely through nodding when Jared’s mouth is back on his. Jared sucks Jensen’s bottom lip between his teeth and reaches down to unbutton Jensen’s shirt. Jensen holds onto Jared’s tee shirt where it covers his shoulders and tries to breathe, but finding it increasingly hard to do. Jared only gets through unbuttoning five or six buttons, gets impatient and rips the rest, sending a few buttons in opposite directions. “ _Fuck, Jay_ ,” Jensen moans when Jared doesn’t even pause, just latches his mouth onto Jensen’s jaw and starts working down his neck. Jared’s kisses are all lips and teeth, occasionally using his tongue when he sucks parts of Jensen’s skin. Jared pushes Jensen’s shirt over his shoulders and down his arms quickly, mouthing down Jensen’s neck and onto his collar. “Jesus _fucking_ Christ.”

Jared’s hands are hot and heavy, touching all over Jensen’s skin, and Jensen feels like he might actually burn under the touch. He exposes his neck as much as he can for Jared, just holding on for the ride. Jensen tries to adjust so his ass is more positioned on Jared’s groin pressed adamantly to his own, and Jared pushes up into the movement with a loud grunt. Honestly, Jensen’s probably only half aware of the fact that his right eye is twitching with how far back his eyes are rolling. Their hips are setting up a feverish pace, and they haven’t even taken their pants off yet- Hell, Jared’s still fully dressed from his shirt all the way down to his shoes.

It almost seems like they’re just going to rut against each other until they inevitably come in their pants like a couple of teenagers- which, Jensen notes, probably wouldn’t be hard to do at that exact moment- when Jared finally starts moving down his body. His hands are still smoothing over Jensen’s skin, touching and feeling and leaving invisible marks on Jensen that only Jensen will ever know exist. His mouth follows suit, biting and sucking wet kisses all along his collar, his shoulders, down his sternum. That’s when their hips are regrettably detached from one another; Jared falls to his knees on the tile with a loud thud and begins overwhelming the rest of Jensen’s torso with his mouth.

Jared’s hands find their place on Jensen’s hips, his thumbs digging into the meat of Jensen’s lower stomach and his fingers into that of his back. Jensen’s breath is still a million miles away with no hope of catching up to it, but it comes easier then, at least having taken away the added sensation of their groins undulating together. Jared’s lips are retracing bites and kisses over the same pattern he left this morning. Then, his mouth is appreciating Jensen’s nipples, and Jensen lets out a whine that he’ll deny tomorrow, and he puts his hands in the top of Jared’s hair to push the hair back from his face.

Jensen looks down to watch as Jared works, worshipping his body like it’s his religion. Jared glances up as he does so, eyes meeting Jensen’s and holding their gaze as he prays, as he sings hymns into Jensen’s skin until he finds the peace he’s seeking. Jensen finds it even harder to breathe, like his chest is collapsing in on him, and it seems like Jared’s not really praying at all, but demolishing the temple completely, tearing it apart piece by piece. Jared’s endless green-tinged eyes hold the reverence of a saint, but he has the mouth of a sinner with no intention of seeking heaven lest it be found in the space between Jensen’s thighs.

The long fingers of Jared’s hands find Jensen’s belt as his lips find the sensitive parts of his abdomen, and Jensen lets his eyes close. Jared pulls down Jensen’s pants and boxer briefs together in one fell swoop, and the hands twined in his shaggy brunette hair tighten their grip. Jared’s hands cover the expanse of Jensen’s thighs as they knead his skin, up and down in a way probably meant to soothe Jensen, but the movement just gets him more overwhelmed.

Jared closes his eyes and uses his tongue and his lips to trace a winding trail from Jensen’s belly-button, over his hips and down to his groin. Sucking in a sharp breath, Jensen braces himself when Jared’s already-swollen lips find his cock. Jared’s lips slide around his length, and it takes all of his strength to remain standing on his feet. Obviously trying to test him, Jared takes his length all the way in on his first stroke, his lips finding the skin of Jensen’s groin and tongue pulsing against the underside of his length. Jensen lets out a guttural noise he can’t be bothered to attempt to hold back, and his muscles turn to jello.

Always one to one-up himself, Jared gives one last push of his mouth down, briefly enclosing the tip of Jensen’s cock with his tonsils, before pulling back. Jensen’s shoulders heave forward and he slurs a noise that sounds something like “ _yoy-whyuhh_ ” as he holds onto Jared’s hair for dear life. He feels Jared’s mouth tense like he’s trying to hold back a smirk, and Jensen desperately wishes he could tell Jared to shut up.

The bobbing of Jared’s mouth finds a rhythm, and Jared’s hands loosen on Jensen’s hips. Jared pushes his mouth down, swallowing around Jensen’s cock and swirling his tongue in quick circles. “ _Christ_ ,” Jensen moans, his chest heaving. Jared moves one hand to rub up Jensen’s stomach and to thumb over one of his nipples. Jensen’s head falls forward as he moans helplessly, his hips pumping forward to seek even more than he could handle. Jared lets him fuck into his mouth, lets his cock push at his tonsils with every couple pumps of his mouth, until Jensen’s a whimpering mess, quietly chanting Jared’s name like a prayer for salvation.

_9\. Bet your ass this is going on the list, too._

Jensen opens his eyes as much as he can stand, watches Jared’s completely peaceful face work some kind of magic on him. He moves his hands to brush Jared’s sweaty bangs back again, tilting his face up to get a better view of Jared’s mouth. There’s something about watching his cock disappear between the dark pink lips of the younger man that makes Jensen lick his bottom lip between his teeth and pump forward faster. “So fucking perfect, Jay, _shit_ ,” Jensen curses helplessly. He’s teetering on the edge of orgasm, and Jared can feel it, he twists his head and pushes harder, faster, chasing Jensen’s orgasm as if it was his own.

Jared uses his whole body as he works harder, pushing his torso forward and using the hand holding onto the back of Jensen’s thigh to help push Jensen forward and meet his own movements. His thumb on Jensen’s nipple twists and rubs in a circular motion, and Jensen bites down on his lower lip, letting himself go. He grunts and moans, and he barely manages to squeeze out “ _Jay_ ,” as he finally topples over the edge. A shaky, light whimper is pushed out of his lungs when Jared swallows, sucking and licking him clean through it. His stomach muscles quiver in aftershock under Jared’s hand, and his head falls back against the wall as Jared finishes slowly pulling his mouth off of Jensen’s softening cock. “Holy shit,” he mutters towards the ceiling.

Jared smiles against the skin of Jensen’s groin where it meets his thigh before pressing a light kiss. He bites kisses on his way back up Jensen’s body until he’s standing and holding Jensen’s jaw in his hands. Jensen captures Jared’s lips in a kiss, tastes himself on his boyfriend’s tongue and another wave of possessive arousal washes over him, giving him a second wind. Jensen kisses him harder, pulls him in closer by the hip and Jared grins into the kiss. Jensen barely gets a hand on Jared’s belt when the doorbell rings, and knocks both of them out of their sex daze.

Temporarily fucked out of his mind, Jensen stares at the door like maybe it didn’t even make a noise, then turns confused. “Who the hell is that?”

“Food,” Jared answers, like he’s also surprised. That’s when Jensen remembers, and concedes. Jared kisses him again. “I’ll meet you in the bedroom, okay?”

Jensen nods and steps out of the pants pooled around his ankles before heading to the bedroom. He immediately lays down on the bed and runs his hands over his face, using the time to regroup. A few moments later, a completely nude Jared comes into the bedroom and sinks to his knees on the mattress, legs on either side of Jensen’s and crawls up his body. “Did you answer the door like that?” Jensen asks with a smirk.

Jared kisses his way up Jensen’s body with a smile. “Of course I did,” Jared teases before meeting his lips with Jensen's. He fits their bodies together, his hardness sliding over Jensen’s hipbone.

Jensen hums and slides his hands up and down Jared’s back as they move together again. The younger man’s tongue holds a slightly different taste, and Jensen pulls back a little. “You ate before coming back,” he accuses.

Jared laughs. “It was _one_ egg roll.”

Jensen scoffs and kisses Jared anyways. “Can't believe you think-” kiss “-an egg roll is more important-” kiss “-than fucking me.”

“Nothing is more important than fucking you, Jen,” Jared murmurs into the kiss.

“Damn right,” Jensen growls as he pushes and maneuvers himself on top of Jared. He surges forward and fits their bodies completely together, taking Jared’s lips as his own. It's Jared’s turn to make a pleased moan. He digs his fingers into the muscles of Jensen’s shoulders, his arms, and Jensen kisses down Jared’s neck. “Gonna make you forget all about food.”

“I can't believe you're seriously jealous of an egg roll,” Jared mutters with a chuckle, closing his eyes and moving with Jensen.

Jensen laughs a little at that, but who can blame him? It's not like he's ever claimed to not be a jealous man. He can't be bothered to to reply, though, working his lips over the area of Jared’s chest instead. He moves down Jared’s body, and Jared’s hands slide over his own to twine their fingers together.

Jensen takes his time, appreciating the gift before him. He kisses and works Jared’s nipples with his tongue, kisses the length of each of his ribs. Jensen slowly moves one of their conjoined hands and slides Jared’s onto the back of his neck so he can use that hand to reach between them. As his mouth continues to work over every inch of Jared’s abdomen, his hand uses the slick of his precome to jack his cock. Jared makes a pleased hum and rocks his body into the touch, his fingers of one hand squeezing Jensen’s and the other scratching the nape of Jensen’s neck.

Jensen’s hand meets the rhythm of whatever song is playing on the radio right then, something quirky and up-tempo. Jensen’s mouth finally slides down to Jared’s hip bones and sucks his own marks into the beautifully tanned skin. He wants Jared marked up like he is, wants the world to be able to tell just by glancing at him, that he's taken. He's found his Only, and they shouldn't try anything. The thought of Jared’s body as well as his soul belonging to him and him alone spurs him on faster, and Jensen takes Jared’s cock in his mouth. A sound of mixed surprise and pleasure passes Jared’s lips, and his hips push up, seeking more.

Jensen relishes in the heaviness in his mouth, the taste on his tongue, the natural scent of his love, and how it makes him feel _right_. Since the first time, moments like these never fail to make him feel like this is exactly where they're meant to be.

Jensen uses his hand at the base of Jared’s cock to meet where his mouth isn't reaching, sucking Jared’s cock and massaging his tongue on him. “ _Jen_ ,” Jared whines. Jensen opens his eyes to look up at Jared and watches as the younger man watches him with a tight brow and parted lips. Jensen tilts his head to the side so they can keep their eyes locked as Jensen sinks his mouth all the way down until the tip of Jared’s cock hits the back of his mouth. Jensen swallows around his length and sucks his lips tighter and Jared’s chest falls with a rush of air escaping his lungs.

Jensen keeps his eyes unwavering, pushing his lips up and down Jared’s shaft quicker to match the pace he also set with his hand. Every sharp intake of breath, every guttural groan, every moan and hum Jared makes is like a goddamn symphony and Jensen’s the only one who gets to hear this. That's when he shuts his eyes and loses himself in his movements. He bounces his head up and down on Jared’s lap, his hand meeting his mouth and tweaking on every upstroke.

Jared’s moaning and sweating harder, his hips fucking up into the tight heat of Jensen’s mouth. They work together to chase Jared’s orgasm, going faster and harder with every loud groan from the larger man. “Jen, _fuck_ , J- _Jen_ -!” Jared gasps before letting out a loud groan from the depths of his stomach as he reaches his climax. Jensen swallows him through it, pulling off and using his hand to stroke him slowly and running his lips and tongue around his length. Jared lays there with his head tilted back to catch his breath for a few moments, shaking every time Jensen touches his tongue to his cock. Jared’s chest heaves again and he sits up on his elbows. “C’mere,” he says, gesturing to Jensen.

Jensen slides back up to Jared and lays on top of him, bringing his hand to Jared’s jaw and kissing him. Jared tangles their legs together and keeps his hands low on Jensen’s back as they lose track of time in each other's kiss. Jensen sighs, tilts their heads back and forth, just kissing and rocking together gently. Jensen moves his hand to push back Jared’s bangs and hold the side of his head, thumb grazing his cheek.

Jared rolls slightly, laying both of them on their sides and pulls Jensen in tighter. His hand smoothes down the globes of Jensen’s ass, squeezing appreciatively, and smoothing back up. He repeats this movement over and over, pushing Jensen’s hips into his and rolling them together in a rhythm.

Jensen moans into their kiss, still yet to be broken, and hugs his partner tighter. Jared’s mouth parts every time they tilt their heads in different directions, his tongue silently forming words against Jensen’s lips, and though he can't hear the words, Jensen can feel them. He feels Jared’s teeth ghost over his top lip as his tongue moves, and Jensen whispers “I love you, too.”

Jared rolls them quickly and manages to get Jensen’s stomach to the bed in a second, pressing up firmly against his backside. Jared covers Jensen’s entire body with his own and ruts his groin into Jensen’s ass. “I'm not done making you feel good yet,” he whispers against Jensen’s lips as they continue kissing. His hands run insistently up and down Jensen’s flank and over his arms, and Jensen shudders underneath him. “Think you got it in you, old man?” Jensen scoffs lightly and Jared grins against Jensen’s lips. “You're gonna.”

Jensen laughs because he can't hold it back and Jared shakes with laughter against him, moving his mouth to Jensen’s shoulder. Jensen’s laughter dies down with a sigh, and he lays his head down on his hands. “Just fuck me, loser.”

Jared chuckles again and leans back up to kiss Jensen’s lips, wrapping his hands around the front of Jensen’s shoulders. Jensen hums contentedly and Jared kisses over his jaw and to his ear. Jensen shudders and let's his head fall back down to his hands on the bed. Jared breathes hotly in his ear, grazes his teeth and lips on Jensen’s ear and gently bites the lobe. Still rolling his groin against Jensen’s ass, he noses behind Jensen’s ear and kisses his skin. Jensen’s eyes slip shut as he makes himself breath steadily. Jared kisses down the nape of Jensen’s neck and over the tops of his back and shoulders on either side. He moves and massages his hands on Jensen’s sides, biting kisses along the meat of Jensen’s back. Jensen moans slightly and subconsciously moves along with Jared’s touch.

Jared’s mouth works along Jensen’s spine as he travels further down Jensen’s body, and his hands slide down to Jensen’s ass. Jared squeezes Jensen’s ass and massages his cheeks for a while, making Jensen push back and forth on the mattress. Jensen presses his own mouth to his hand under his face, lifts his ass up for his boyfriend. Jared kisses all over the meat of Jensen’s ass, biting and marking it up with hickeys as he continues to massage.

Steadily, he works his mouth closer to Jensen’s hole and then at once, covers it with his tongue and then his lips. Immediately, Jensen lets out a muffled whine. Jared pulls back just for a second, holds Jensen’s ass tighter and then surges forward again, licking it into a kiss. “ _Oh my god_ ,” Jensen mutters into the skin of his hand. Gaining momentum, Jared pulls back and pushes forward over and over, licking Jensen’s hole with brief but deep presses of his tongue. Jared’s hands push Jensen’s ass so he's even more exposed as he burrows his tongue inside of Jensen with an animalistic noise. Jensen’s mouth falls open with a choked-off gasp and he bites down slightly on his hand.

_10\. Jesus fucking Christ_

Jared pulls his mouth off quickly, replacing it with his thumb, stroking over Jensen’s hole and his fingers pressing to his taint. “Babe?” Jensen perks his head up slightly in acknowledgement. “Can I hear you?” And _fuck_ he sounds so innocent, like he _needs_ to hear Jensen, like his own arousal depends on it; and hell if that doesn't turn Jensen on even more. Jensen immediately picks himself up on his elbows, and is thanked by Jared replacing his thumb with his tongue once again. Jensen’s muscles quiver on instinct and his head falls forward. Jared’s hands move Jensen’s knees further open, hold his ass cheeks apart so he can bury his face between them as his tongue works Jensen open.

Jared’s made it a point to prove to Jensen how much he loves doing this; even if he's the one bottoming in that instance, he still tries to turn Jensen into a writhing mess with his tongue- and let's face it, he succeeds every time. Jensen was being sincere this morning when he said Jared’s mouth was his personal gift from God; his mouth is nothing less than a miracle, and God is the only one who can be thanked for this blessing.

“ _God-!_ ” Jensen gasps as Jared pushes his tongue in even more. Jensen writhes and pushes back in attempt for more. Jared presses forward as much as he can, brings his mouth flat to Jensen’s skin and pushes his tongue in and rolls it. Jensen makes a choked-off whine and feels various muscles in his body quake. “Fuck yes, Jay, oh my god yeah.” Jared moves one hand to meet his mouth and quickly slicks up his thumb with saliva before pushing it in next to his tongue.

As the digit sinks in, Jensen lets out a moan and covers the back of his head with his hands. Jared keeps working his tongue on Jensen as he moves his thumb in and out of his hole, pushing _directly_ onto his prostate. Jensen’s thigh muscles feel like they're seconds away from giving out, but he remains as still as possible. Jared uses his angle to his advantage, pressing his knuckles against the underside of Jensen’s balls and meeting his thumb where it rubs rhythmically on Jensen’s prostate.

“ _Fuck fuck fuck fuck-_ ” Jensen whimpers, hips moving along with the circles of Jared’s thumb. “Jay, please, I..” Jensen can't even finish forming words, the relentless sensation overwhelming his entire brain. Jared slides his thumb out, catching the ring of his hole and dragging right before replacing it with his tongue and groaning against Jensen’s skin. Jensen breathes heavily, scratches the back of his head before tilting his head up and rubbing his hands over his face. “You're so perfect, Jared,” Jensen mentions because it's a fact.

Jared slides his hands up the front of Jensen’s thighs to hold onto him and push them closer together as he buries his face in Jensen’s ass, shaking his head and tonguing Jensen almost violently. Jensen can't even consider holding back the noise that falls out of his mouth. Jared manhandles him quickly, pulling his knees further apart and pulling up to get a different angle. It's then Jared brings his hand back to Jensen’s ass and wets his first two fingers with saliva before pushing them into Jensen’s hole.

He works them slowly, licking their way in, just to the first knuckles at first. Jensen breathes steadily, focusing on relaxing his body. Jared switches back and forth between working Jensen open with his tongue and with the first inch of his index and middle fingers. When it's easy, he pushes in up to the second knuckles and sucks gently on Jensen’s balls. “ _Jay_ , please,” Jensen begs, reaching back and holding onto Jared’s tricep.

Jared chuckles against his skin. “Good?” Jensen nods adamantly, squeezing Jared’s arm. “Good.” Jared pushes his tongue into Jensen’s ass quickly before pushing his first two fingers all the way in to the hilt. Jensen sucks in a sharp breath and lets out a loud groan. Jared- _the bastard-_ pushes his fingers directly onto Jensen’s prostate and scissors his fingers to work Jensen open as he circles the sensitive bundle of nerves.

Jensen shakes his head and laughs because he's so far gone, it's really all he can manage to do. Jared’s at least slightly merciful this time, only gently rubs his prostate this time- deliberately missing it every few thrusts- focusing more on getting Jensen loose. Jared sits up slightly higher and lets drool slide down Jensen’s crack and to his hole where Jared then licks for more lubrication. It doesn't take long- or maybe it does, Jensen doesn't know- before Jared’s sliding in a third finger and working that one on him as well.

Jared sits up then, drapes himself over Jensen and presses against him from his mouth to Jensen’s shoulder down to his cock sliding by his hand working Jensen open. Jared rolls his whole body against Jensen, runs his free hand all over Jensen, slowly appreciating his skin. Jared’s overwhelming all of Jensen’s senses like he tends to do, wrapping around him and touching as much as he possibly can. Jared’s hand runs over his hip and to his stomach and down his thighs. His mouth kisses all over Jensen’s shoulder and the nape of his neck, breathing hotly; along with the feeling of Jared’s fingers working him open and pushing deeper into him with their body movements, Jensen’s sure he would’ve collapsed if it wasn’t for Jared holding him up.

Slowly, Jared moves back down Jensen’s body with more biting kisses along the way. He drags out his fingers and immediately replaces it with his tongue, first pressing flat to his skin and then pushing into him. Jensen’s been reduced to a whimpering mess, just sweating and writhing under Jared’s hands and begging his name in a whisper. Jared’s successfully taken him apart and made him feel vulnerable and exposed, like every touch is directly to his nerves and making him shake.

The larger hands smooth up the back of Jensen’s thighs and return to where Jared’s mouth is working on him. Jared spits and pushes four fingers into Jensen and angles them down directly onto Jensen’s prostate. With a high-pitched choked-off sob, he squeezes his eyes shut, fists his hands in the bed sheets, and presses his forehead into the bed. His cock’s painfully hard again and leaking, the constant pressure to his prostate sending him too close to the edge too soon. Jared kisses and bites the meat of his ass as he works his fingers, using his other hand to squeeze over various parts of Jensen’s skin. “Please, Jay,” Jensen moans brokenly.

All at once, Jared pulls his fingers out and wraps a strong arm around Jensen’s stomach and hauls him to the top of the bed and flips him onto his back. Jensen barely has time to let out a grunt before Jared’s between his legs and pressed firmly against him and kissing him. Jensen’s eyes go cross for a moment before closing and sinking into the kiss, letting his energetic partner ravage his mouth. Jared ruts against him, wraps his arms under Jensen’s back and moves them together as they kiss.

After a while, Jensen manages to sit up enough to reach over to the bedside table and hand Jared the lubricant and a condom. Jared sits up onto his heels and pulls Jensen’s ass to his lap. Jared rolls the condom on himself and squeezes lubricant onto his cock and slicks himself up. Before snapping the lid shut, he squeezes some onto Jensen’s cock and jerks him slowly. Jensen’s eyes close again, willing himself to breathe. Jared wraps his hand around the underside of Jensen’s thigh and pulls him closer, positioning his cock at Jensen’s hole and pushing in. He slowly slides home and pushes the air from Jensen’s lungs.

Jared moves his hand up Jensen’s abdomen and chest before sliding down his arm and locking their fingers together. He brings Jensen’s hand to his mouth and kisses his skin with the first thrust of his hips. The hand Jensen has on Jared’s leg squeezes and he melts. A familiar smooth beat pours into the room from the radio in the kitchen, and Jared rolls his hips with it. “ _I’ve been really tryin’, baby_ -” Marvin Gaye sings, and immediately Jensen fights back a laugh.

Jared’s brows tense but he breaks into a smile. “What?”

Shoulders shaking with an internal chuckling fit, Jensen shakes his head. “You’re _not_ fucking me to this song.” His resolve breaks and he laughs out loud.

Jared’s grin widens and he rolls his hips deeper, shaking his head to the beat. “Oh, but I am.” Jared rolls his whole torso and hips, his hand still holding Jensen’s and pulling it up to his face. “ _And if you feel like I feel, baby,_ ” Jared sings in a low voice. Jensen uses his free hand to throw his arm over his eyes. “ _Come on, ooohh come on. Whoo!_ ” Jared leans forward and takes Jensen’s other hand in his own and pins both of his hands to the pillow by his head. “ _Let’s get it on,_ ” he sings with a huge, inebriated grin against Jensen’s lips.

Jared kisses Jensen through his next fit of laughter, and Jensen sends a quick, silent thank you to the gods for letting his soulmate be the most perfect man in the universe. Seriously, how else could he explain someone who gets him on every level, challenges his mind, tears him apart in bed and puts him back together, and can make him feel more comfortable at any given moment than anyone else- how else could he explain that besides ‘soulmate’?

Jared meant it when he said he was going to fuck Jensen to the song, and he moves his hips in time with the music, his whole body rolling up into the movements. Thankfully, he stops singing though, instead just swaying and thrusting his hips as they kiss. Then it’s not as funny anymore, and the feeling of Jared crashing into him with long and deep pushes makes Jensen’s muscles give. Jensen moans into the kiss when Jared snaps his hips a little.

Jared moves his lips to kiss the side of Jensen’s mouth and hungrily over his jaw. The grip on Jensen’s fingers tighten and Jared locks them in place with a firm grip as he fucks into Jensen a little harder. “ _Fuck_ ,” Jensen moans. Jared grunts in his ear with each thrust, teeth grazing over his skin and breathing heavily. Jensen’s slick cock is sliding between their firmly-fitted bodies, and the sensations are driving Jensen crazy. He’s been too close for too long, but this addiction to having Jared is too strong, and he holds out, desperate for as much as he can get.

His boyfriend is mouthing words onto his skin, kissing and biting them into permanence. He mutters praises and declarations of love, punctuates them with thrusts of his hips. There’s a hickey on Jensen’s collarbone that says “You’re so beautiful,” a bite mark on the meat on his shoulder that says “Fucking perfect.” There’s a trail of marks all over from his neck, over his shoulder, and on his chest that say “I love you so much, fuck- I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I wanna see you,” Jensen breathes as Jared’s thrusts finally soften enough for him to do so. Jared sits back up on his heels, brushes a hand back over his sweat-covered hair to get it off of his forehead. Jensen’s heart races quicker as he admires how gorgeous Jared is; it’s not like it’s a surprise, but it’s always enough to make his heart jump. Still moving with slow undulating rolls of his hips, Jared grazes his hands over Jensen’s stomach and his thighs. Jensen brings his hand to Jared’s abdomen and feels as his muscles tighten and relax with his movements. Jensen drags his hand over the sweaty, burning hot skin up over his pecs and his collar, briefly pausing around his neck and swiping his thumb over Jared’s throat.

While he’s admiring the heated blush on Jared’s chest as much as he can through the darkness, he feels Jared swallow and his Adam’s apple bounces beneath Jensen’s thumb on his throat. Jensen licks his lips and curses under his breath, finding himself getting dizzy with the circles Jared’s hips are making. Jensen moves his hand to cup Jared’s jaw and drags his thumb over Jared’s bottom lip appreciatively. Jared grins a little and slides his lips around the digit, licking circles over the tip of his thumb and sucking on it. Another rush of breath leaves Jensen in the form of a moan, and Jared hoists one of Jensen’s legs over his shoulder as Jensen pulls Jared back down.

Jared meets Jensen’s lips with his own, thrusts his hips and gets impossibly deep in Jensen. Both of the men make animalistic noises into the kiss, and Jared digs his fingers into the skin of Jensen’s shoulders, clawing down his back. “Fuck me,” Jensen moans against Jared’s lips. Jared nods and reseals their kiss hungrily. Jared pulls back and snaps his hips forward, pushing a grunt out of Jensen. He does this over and over until Jensen can’t even keep his lips connected to Jared’s, just throws his head back on the pillow and gasps for air. Jared buries his face in the crook of Jensen’s neck, breathing heavily and groaning words onto Jensen’s skin. “ _Oh my god, Jay-!_ ” The kid seriously never tires, always so eager to please. On the one hand, who the hell could keep up with that? But on the other hand (the that Jensen prefers to see things through) he’s never felt more alive than after he met Jared.

Jared’s hips set up an almost brutal pace, quick and hard enough to make Jensen moan loudly with every thrust. Jared readjusts his legs, angles Jensen’s ass differently and propels his hips faster. Jensen’s moaning drowns out the beautiful sounds Jared’s making in his ear, but he can’t stop- hell, he can barely breathe, let alone worry about how loud he’s getting. Jensen moves the leg not pinned to his chest with Jared’s shoulder and wraps it around Jared’s waist tightly, pulling their bodies closer with as much force as he can muster. Jared grunts and bites down on his collar and over to his shoulder before latching his mouth onto the skin and making a mark. “Fuck yeah, Jen, _fuck-_ just like that,” Jared breathes in a voice low and ragged. He wraps both of his hands underneath Jensen’s arms and holds onto his back and shoulders, digging in and fucking into him roughly.

Jensen curses loudly, his eyes shooting open. He wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and clings to him, combing his fingers through the top of his damp, brown hair and holding on. “ _Fuck fuck fuck yes, fuck me-_ ” He presses his mouth to the sweat-dripping temple of his partner. “I’m so close, don’t stop,” he whispers. “Don’t ever stop.” He means the sentiment as much as he possibly can; maybe fucking into an early grave isn’t such a bad way to go.

Jared makes a noise from deep within him and digs into Jensen’s skin harder, bites down and fucks him with all he’s got. Jared’s getting close, Jensen can tell because his deep groans are becoming higher-pitched and his thighs are shaking. He’s powering through it, though, giving Jensen all that he can. He whispers Jensen’s name over and over, like it’s the only word he knows anymore.

Jensen can’t even form coherent words, he’s so fucked out from the feeling of Jared surrounding every inch of him. Jared’s body’s wrapped around him from their heads to their feet. He’s the sweat on Jensen’s skin, the taste in his mouth, the scent in his nose and air in his lungs; the only thought in his head, on his lips is “ _Jay, Jay, Jay_.”

“Tell me you love me,” Jared moans wantonly in his ear. He pushes harder, deeper, their slick torsos sliding together and causing friction on Jensen’s cock and stimulating him all over until he can barely stand it. Jared kisses weakly over Jensen’s jaw and to his lips. “Tell me you love me,” he repeats against Jensen’s lips as he presses their foreheads together.

Jensen grabs the sides of his face and kisses him as hard as he can, shows the sentiment with his actions. “I love you,” he whispers. His next word is choked off when Jared switches his angle slightly and snaps forward with the force of his whole body- slim but _forceful_ \- and hits Jensen’s prostate. “ _Fuck!_ I love you! I lo- _uhn-!_ I _fucking_ love you so much,” Jensen repeats with Jared’s lips chasing the words and tasting them. Jared connects their lips roughly, sliding his tongue with Jensen’s and muffling his moans. “God, I fucking love you so much,” Jensen grits out.

Jared’s mouth falls open as he thrusts mercilessly into Jensen, both too close to kiss anymore but neither willing to move their lips. There’s something so erotic and intimate about only breathing the air that you share with someone else in a heated moment. “Please,” Jared whines out as his hips stutter. “Fuck, Jen, please c-come for me.” Before his sentence is fully formed, Jensen’s tensing up and spilling in the tight heat of their bodies. All it takes is the raspy moan of his name from Jensen, and Jared’s toppling over with a long groan and ragged, shallow breaths. “ _Jensen,_ Jesus Christ,” he mutters as he lets his head fall into the space of Jensen’s neck to catch his breath.

With a heaving chest, Jensen lazily rubs up and down Jared’s spine as they lay together unmoving. Jensen’s body is still shaking, muscles spasming with the aftershocks, even after Jared’s body calms down. Jared kisses the sensitive spot on his neck, and Jensen gasps. “ _Shit,_ ” he breathes. Jared lets the leg he previously had hoisted onto his shoulder fall to the bed and Jensen’s muscles go limp underneath his weight. “Oh my god,” is all he can manage to say, even in a whisper.

Jared is the one who catches his breath first and kisses Jensen gingerly, touching his fingertips to Jensen’s chin to tilt it down towards his lips. Jensen sighs and softly moves his lips with Jared’s, whispering sweet nothings into their shared air. He inhales deeply, letting Jared fill his senses again and brushes back the hair stuck to Jared’s forehead, caresses his cheek gently. Jared’s fingertips continue to ghost their way down Jensen’s chin, over his neck and lightly trace shapes onto his collar as they kiss. They take a few minutes to just stay like this: tangled in each other, blissfully staying in their own world and embracing the moment.

In Jared’s lips, there’s no such thing as time, no such thing as responsibilities or troubles; there’s no such thing as worry or doubt. There’s only Jared, only love and comfort. There’s a million different things his lips can make Jensen feel, but they never let him think about the world outside of their embrace. Not that Jensen would even want to in the first place. Jared’s lips are his safe haven, his anchor, his home- he has no reason to ever leave.

Jared’s hips tilt back as he pulls out of Jensen and both of them let out small grunts at the overly-sensitive sensation. Jared moves slightly to fit against Jensen’s side, putting his forehead into the warm space of Jensen’s neck. He tangles his too-long legs with Jensen’s again and watches his own fingers as they trace over the heart-shaped pattern of bruises on Jensen’s chest. Jensen sighs contentedly, using the hand behind Jared’s head to rub his back and comb through the hair at the nape of his neck. Jensen takes the tip of his other finger to follow the pattern behind Jared’s until they meet and Jared twines their fingers together with a smile. Jensen tilts his head to press a kiss to Jared’s forehead and closes his eyes. It’s a moment Jensen doesn’t want to leave, just laying in bed and listening to the old soul music bleeding from the radio speakers in the kitchen.

As if out of nowhere, though, Jared kisses his cheek and gets out of bed, leaving Jensen feeling confused and cold from the presence sweat and absence of body heat. Jared gets to his feet on the mattress, hops out of bed and gracelessly bounds his way out the door. Slightly confused but otherwise unbothered, Jensen moves to get up to use the bathroom. He barely gets both of his feet on the floor when he realizes that his muscles are going to be _sore_ tomorrow. “What did you _do_ to me?” He calls out to Jared rhetorically with a wince. He hears a low chuckle from Jared in the other room. Jensen groans as he gets to his feet and shuffles into the bathroom with trembling muscles and creaking joints.

The music stops playing in the kitchen, and then there’s loud footsteps on the floor heading back to the bedroom. Jared makes an “ _oof_ ” as he collapses back onto the mattress. Jensen finishes up and cleans himself off in the sink. An inspection of his appearance makes him laugh inwardly. Hair spiked in certain places and smushed in others, lips red and swollen, body _covered_ in marks from Jared- including the crooked heart-shaped hickey pattern from this morning- Jensen is definitely a walking billboard for sex. Jensen shrugs it off, considers it a good look on himself.

Jensen stops at the doorway to the bedroom when he sees Jared. Jared: his mature, articulate, intelligent student- his creative, artistic boyfriend- his beautiful sex god of a life partner… is naked and sitting cross-legged on the bed, hunched over a takeout container of beef lo mein and shoveling food into his mouth. Between his thighs is a beer and the container of egg rolls. Jared hasn’t even looked up at Jensen yet, just concentrating with his head down with his bangs fallen in front of his eyes. He nods a little as he chews, as if in silent conversation with his food.

_11\. His appetite and the way he still manages to look cute even when he’s eating his way through a Chinese menu. I don’t know why it’s going on the list, but it is._

Jensen smiles to himself and shakes his head. When Jared goes to take a drink of his beer and looks up to find Jensen watching him, he smiles awkwardly behind a mouth full of food. “You want some?” He holds up the container of food in offering and hides his mouth behind his fist. “I got enough to share.”

Jensen grins and lays down on the bed next to him leaning on his elbow. Jensen opens his mouth and Jared feeds a forkful of the food to him. Jensen chews and makes himself comfortable, crossing his ankles and putting a hand behind his head on the pillow. With the other hand, he takes an eggroll out of the container between Jared’s legs and starts eating it. “ _Oh,_ do you remember-” Jensen starts with a mouth full of food. Jensen swallows as Jared looks to him expectantly. “-In class earlier, you kinda got into it with that kid who used the textbook definition of love?” Jared huffs a laugh and rolls his eyes. “What were you gonna say? I’m curious.”

Jared finishes chewing his food and shakes his head. “I don’t even remember, honestly,” he answers once his mouth is empty. He takes a swig of his beer and licks his lips. “I think he said something stupid, like ‘oh that’s how love is defined, so that’s what it means,’ or something.”

“And that bothered you?” Jensen questions after a pause.

Jared gives him a half shrug and picks at the food before giving up his silence and gesturing wildly. “It’s just, like, _why_ are you in an advanced poetic analysis class if you’re not willing to put a _little_ thought into an answer, y’know?” Jared puts his lips together tightly and huffs out of his nose. “People don’t think anymore, and it’s so stupid. And-and just…” Jared shakes his head, looking for an answer before turning back to look down at Jensen. “How completely shallow and unoriginal do you have to be to give such a lazy answer?”

_12\. How much he cares_

Jared takes another bite of his food, but Jensen can tell his rant isn’t over, so he waits. Jared hurriedly chews his food when he catches his second wind and he turns his body to slightly face Jensen, pointing aggressively. “It’s lazy, and not fair to the people who are there to learn, and who want to hear other experienced or at least _thoughtful_ answers. It’s completely unfair to you because you have to take time away from your class just to hear someone read right out of a dictionary. You’re there to inspire something in us, get us thinking and interpreting art for ourselves, but instead, they’re wasting time by being completely textbook. You don’t need that.” Jared shakes his head and digs back into his food decisively. “It’s just embarrassing that I have to be associated with these ignorant _kids_ sometimes,” he mutters before taking a bite.

Jensen takes his hand closest to Jared and rubs the top of his back comfortingly. “You’re about as far from ignorant and unoriginal as you possibly could be, Jay. You don’t need to feel like you’re being associated with them just because of your age, alright?” Jared gives him another half-hearted shrug. “I mean it, you’re… _So_ intelligent- naturally bright, and you care enough to educate yourself and think everything through. And it takes a special kind of person to think like you do, and see the world as you do. Your mind is so beautiful, Jared Padalecki. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

He takes a moment to think about all of the things he’s made a note of on his quest to list the things he loves about his partner. It’s a pretty stupid list, if he thinks about it. Seriously, when someone as remarkable as Jared comes along, one can’t be expected to note every single incredible aspect about them. Even if he could somehow make a list a thousand pages long, it still wouldn’t capture the _essence_ of Jared, it would barely scratch the surface. It wouldn’t be able to touch the fact that it’s not one, two, or twenty things that Jensen loves about Jared; it’s everything and the way it all works together to form the proof of miracles that is Jared Padalecki.

Still looking at his container of food, Jared’s cheek dimple makes an appearance as he sticks his tongue to his lip to hold back a smile. “You’re such a sap,” he remarks as his resolve breaks and his mouth spreads into a grin. Jensen smiles and leans up to kiss Jared’s dimple, and Jared laughs, making it even deeper- and _of course_ , Jensen has to kiss that one even more. Jared giggles, for all intents and purposes, and playfully swats away Jensen’s face. “Get _off me_ ,” he says through laughter.

Jensen shakes his head with a quick “no way,” and quickly kisses back and forth between Jared’s lips and his dimple until Jared is leaning back against the headboard and cackling in the cutest way. “You gotta deal with my sappy ass-” he says between kisses. “-Forever-” kiss “-Think you can handle that?”

Jared kisses Jensen back, letting this one linger a little longer. “Bring it on,” he answers almost challengingly against Jensen’s lips. Jensen pulls back a little to look at Jared closely, notices how there’s not an ounce of doubt in those sparkling light eyes, and Jensen decides something he’d been mulling over in his mind for months. Jensen takes the container of food from Jared’s hands and moves it to the bedside table. Jared makes an objecting noise. “Hey- I’m not done with that!” Jensen doesn’t answer yet, just takes the beer bottle and the other container and moves those to the table as well. “Okay, just _one_ egg roll,” Jared asserts.

“You and your egg roll,” Jensen mutters light-heartedly. He takes one out of the container and hands it to Jared before straddling Jared’s lap and kissing him again. “I’ve got an idea,” he explains quietly. Jared just nods, starts eating his _precious egg roll_ , and settles in his place comfortably.

Jensen takes Jared’s face in his hands and gently kisses his lips once- mostly because Jared’s mouth is full- and then kisses gingerly down Jared’s neck. Jensen makes no effort to hurry, pouring his feelings and thoughts into each of his gentle kisses. He starts to suck hickeys onto Jared’s skin as he goes, and relishes in the contented hum from him. With each mark Jensen makes, he murmurs words of love and promise.

“I will love you-” Jensen murmurs inaudibly against the skin of Jared’s collar before making a mark, and trailing to another spot. “-For the rest of my life-” he presses into the next. “-When I’m old and grey.” Jensen brushes his lips over Jared’s skin, making sure every word is made permanent. He moves his lips to Jared’s chest to begin his pattern, sucking every few words into their shape. “-When my body is tired, when my heart is weak, when my hands don’t work the same-” Jensen whispers into the shape of an _M._

“I will love you till then, and I will love you after,” he mutters as he brings the words into permanence. “Until my last dying breath, when air does not reach my lungs, and the only thing I am capable of doing is loving you.” _A._

“I will love you, without hesitation or condition, with every breath we take in this life and the next.” _R._ “I will love you for everything you are, and everything you will ever be, and for all the things you will not.” _R._ “I will love you through the highs and the lows that will surely come; no matter the storm, my love will never falter.” _Y._

Jensen takes his time with the last shapes, listens to Jared’s heart beat and the steady sounds of his breathing. He presses a few more kisses into Jared’s skin, ones that aren’t made to be permanent, but that he means all the same. Jensen ghosts his lips down Jared’s sternum lightly, taking his time to let his vows sink in before moving to start his next pattern. “I will love you now, and I will love you later. When there is nothing left for me to do but. I will love you later.” _M._ “I will love you past the end of time. I will love you because there is no other way. I will love you because I am nothing without. I will love you because.” _E._

Jensen continues kissing over Jared’s skin, trying to convey all of the words he’s not saying while letting all of the words he spoke sink in. He kisses his way back up Jared’s neck and brushes his thumbs over Jared’s jaw. “I will love you because forever is too short a time. I will love you, I will love you.” He finally presses his lips to Jared’s with a kiss soft enough to compete with the flutter of a butterfly’s wing. “I will love you with all that I am, and all that you are- I will love you more,” he whispers into the kiss, his tone still barely audible, gently tilting his head and brushing their lips. “And all that I ask is that you will love me, too.”

Jared’s hands cling to his sides as they kiss then, and Jensen makes sure to put all of his might into it. He kisses Jared to tell him his hopes and dreams for them. He kisses Jared to tell him how much he cares, how deeply he loves. He kisses Jared to tell him that it’s all he ever wants to do for the rest of their lives. And Jared kisses back.

Afterwards, Jensen slowly pulls back and presses their foreheads together. Jared’s skin is slightly trembling under his hands, or maybe it’s Jensen trembling. Jared’s lips touch his one last time before Jensen decides to let Jared get up, and lays down beside him on the bed. Jared and his gloriously uncoordinated legs practically leap out of bed and into the bathroom to look in the mirror. Jensen waits patiently on the bed for him.

In no time, Jared’s bounding back in the room with a giant grin and flops down on the bed happily. Jared takes Jensen’s face in his hands and kisses him until neither of them can breathe, but that doesn’t make either of them want to stop. “Yeah?” Jensen asks as Jared pulls his lips away.

It’s then Jensen thinks the sun doesn’t even need to rise in the morning, for nothing could be brighter than the smile on the face of his love. It’s a smile that makes Jensen’s cheeks ache just _looking at_ , that makes his eyes water because of its purity and endearment. It’s Jensen’s new favorite smile; it’s the one that said “Yes” beyond a shadow of a doubt.

They spend an eternity in the moment, celebrating and just basking in the feeling of each other. They stay like that until they’re both too exhausted to do anything besides lay down and wrap around each other. Jared lays his head on Jensen’s chest and tangles their legs together. Jensen wraps both arms around the boy’s shoulders, lazily cards his fingers through the mess of brown hair. Matching heartbeat for heartbeat, breath for breath, they fall asleep as one.

 _so I love you because I know no other way_  
_than this: where I does not exist, nor you,_  
_so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,_  
_so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep._

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I really really hope you loved reading this as much as I loved writing it. I'm a giant sap, so I realize this was horribly cheesy and mind-numblingly sentimental. I had more help than usual with this one, so I want to thank some people. Thanks to Abbey, Ash, Nevy, and Abby for telling me what love means to them. Thanks to Sarah for being my sounding board and giving me constant feedback. And thanks to Anna for being another sounding board, and also being the one to plant the seed of the idea in my head in the first place.
> 
> Thanks for reading, and leaving some love if you enjoy it. Happy Valentine's Day! ♥
> 
> Some songs that were mentioned in the story if you want to listen to them: ["Dancing Queen"-Abba](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFrGuyw1V8s) (the song Jared sings in the shower), ["I've Been Loving You"-Otis Redding](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIlWjhci01U), ["My Girl"-The Temptations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IUG-9jZD-g), ["You Send Me"-Sam Cooke](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pX6QlnlMqjE), ["At Last"-Etta James](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwzDxp2TC7I), and ["Let's Get It On"-Marvin Gaye](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqkwykA4iFw) (from the 'soul radio' that night, in their respective order)


End file.
